Jill Morris (@JillMorris) header
Jill Morris (@JillMorris) profile picture

Jill Morris

@JillMorris

Onion contributor. Funny or Die. McSweeney's. Upright Citizens Brigade alum. Angelyne’s campaign manager for CA gov.

 Brooklyn, NY
Joined April 2009
  • Tweets10.6K
  • Following722
  • Followers6.6K
451Media
Photo by Jill Morris (@JillMorris)Photo by Jill Morris (@JillMorris)Photo by Jill Morris (@JillMorris)Photo by Jill Morris (@JillMorris)Photo by Jill Morris (@JillMorris)Photo by Jill Morris (@JillMorris)Photo by Jill Morris (@JillMorris)
I hit a landmark. 69 followers on Bluesky. Please nobody follow me so it stays this number forever. jillmorris.bsky.social
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My Dasher’s driving the wrong way with my uranium.
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Not surprised Trump and his people are assaulting America. It is a pretty young country.
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I’d be safer in a frat house than hanging out with the next admin.
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I saw The Apprentice in theaters before the election. The woman next to me cried nonstop during the last 20 minutes. Anyway, I bet she’s fine now!
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Goodbye, cruel, world.  Wait, no! The comma!
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Has America tried pinning the Constitution to the top of its profile?
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Is it a red flag if you're dating a serial killer, and he only wants to kill other people?
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Not worried about nuclear war because I think I’d look better with three tits.
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Maybe now that Dr. Oz is in charge of Medicaid and Medicare, they'll finally start covering the vacuum dust he sells as a supplement.
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If I’m not the most popular person in my camp, I’m joining the fascists.
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Your honor, my client is innocent because I assume everything is my fault.
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Two happy creatures back in October. Georgia has not let the election affect her mood.
Image from Jill Morris (@JillMorris)
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Of course. The details would be too arousing for Republicans to handle.
CNN (@CNN) profile pictureCNN
@CNN15 Nov 2024
Speaker Mike Johnson says he will request the House Ethics Committee not release a report on allegations related to Trump attorney general pick Matt Gaetz cnn.it/4fR30Jd
Speaker Johnson says he’s going to request Ethics Committee not release Gaetz report | CNN Politics

Speaker Johnson says he’s going to request Ethics Committee not release Gaetz report | CNN Politics

House Speaker Mike Johnson said on Friday that he does not think a House Ethics Committee report on allegations related to Matt Gaetz should be released and is “going to strongly request that the...

cnn.com
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Well, why are teenagers allowed to be that age, anyway?
Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) profile pictureAaron Rupar
@atrupar15 Nov 2024
Debbie Wasserman Schultz: "Most parents wouldn't trust Matt Gaetz with their teenager, nevermind with our entire system of justice."
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I would speak out against the removal of the Department of Education, but I don’t want to end up on the Department of Re-Education’s radar.
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Getting pretty sick of this sleep paralysis demon climbing on top of me every night and never asking me to be his gf.
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Hello! The Onion, with the help of the Sandy Hook families, has purchased InfoWars. We're planning on making a very stupid website. We've retained some Onion and Clickhole Hall of Famers to pull it off. I can't wait to show you what we cooked up. nytimes.com/2024/11/14/busin…
The Onion Wins Bid to Buy Infowars, Alex Jones’s Site, Out of Bankruptcy (Gift Article)

The Onion Wins Bid to Buy Infowars, Alex Jones’s Site, Out of Bankruptcy (Gift Article)

The satirical news site intends to turn Infowars into a parody of itself. But the court overseeing the bankruptcy put a hold on the sale pending a hearing next week.

nytimes.com
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Jill Morris retweeted
The Onion (@TheOnion) profile picture
The Onion
@TheOnion14 Nov 2024
Via our parent company @GlobTetrahedron CEO @BryceTetraeder: theonion.com/heres-why-i-dec…
Image from The Onion (@TheOnion)
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My pharmacist forgot my birthday again.
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