My 6 year old Gmail Draft folder says more about me than my actual diary.

Now that we aren't all teenagers trying to get laid by pretending to understand David Lynch, can we just admit he's average? #bbcculture

Ahhh memories of genuinely trying to get men to sleep with me while my bedroom looked like this.

A gambling stalker would just go to Bali and wait.

Dear checkout guy. Some advice. If you want to flirt with me successfully then don't ask what the painkillers are for. I won't lie for you.

There is always more! @aisfornala @Jellybeancomedy

Of all the BBC Short Stuff that I've produced @Jellybeancomedy will always be the most memorable. Enjoy! youtube.com/watch?v=9UleilEQ…

My three very similar recommendations from Twitter on who to follow...@funtimeforbesy

Thinking of switching from Bikram to Ashtanga yoga for a while...anyone tried both care to share thoughts? #yoga #bikramyoga #ashtanga

No, YOU'RE beautiful! xitter.cf/G_Man1308/status/76747…

You chose the biggest vaginal looking entity in all of fantasy as a metaphor for a penis? You two belong together. xitter.cf/keithgrantham/status/7…

Overheard on what appears to be some hipster's first date. GUY: I mean, I'm PHYSICALLY still not over Lord of the Rings... Oh poppet.

Huge congratulations to Scott Agnew for getting 5 stars from Chortle. Doesn't happen often and I'm glad it happened to him.

A genuine bedtime story that my Dad told me: Once upon a time there were three bears....now there's hundreds. Goodnight.

Thanks to @DimitriBakanov for looking after me today. Congratulations to @keirmcallister and a high five to @GarethMutch

Very funny!

*sigh* fine...it makes my day when you like my tweets too...

Jealous.