Jeremiah Tornado

Log off lady, there can’t possibly be Pokémon in the bank. Go catch an overdraft fee

The morning espresso is getting so bad, I feel the urge to shit my pants at the sight of coffee

I think I just used my mom’s phone number to sign up for a rewards card at my local cannabis shop. How do I get the points transferred to my number #bummer

Walking around the airport looking at gate destinations. Cleveland has gotta be one of the most unappealing cities to board a flight to. Peoria might take the crown though, poor people.

Missed my connection and am stuck in Vegas airport. Wondering if I have time to hit the the sphere before my 6am flight. Might just bum around on the airport slots #buffalo

Feel bad for all the Mormons out there who can’t eat tiramisu. Just darn right depressing

Solid pop. 3:30 including flips per minute. It’s a science

The only Knicks fan I care about is Larry David and Seinfeld. The rest are dead to me

Got this free package delivered to my door today. Safe to say some poor chap will be hungry the next few days. Me? I’m eating ribeye and asparagus tonight #hellofreesh

It’s June 1st and my guy rocking Marshawn and a fedora. Happy Monday

Eating bell peppers like apples in the big26

Monday sets the tone baby, let’s ride! #wolf

Free Matcha for signing up for an Asian dating site. Signed my Jewish buddy up instead. Hopefully he’s into into that #levelup

On the same level as Jordan’s second 3-peat. Skit #3 is the only skip #brokephibroke

Some are saying this will be the drink of the summer #vodpow

Can’t wait to see Oweh from half court on One Shining moment #round64

On that “fuck it we ball” mentality this week #bron

With one month before summer, I knew it was time to get my tonsils out. Gotta work on the physique somehow #slim #nonathletic