Quick Test 1. If you are over forty and you have a washboard stomach you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics and doing the Oprah diet. 2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay-- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat... Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay. 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pig’s feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag. 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or pee in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too. 6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free butt passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all that crap. If you can pick out fuscia or know what a 'fressier' is you're gay and if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious. 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer. 8. If you do not share this with other males because you are afraid of hurting their feelings, then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudge packer.