Jarhead (@Jarhead44) | teapawt

Pinned Tweet

I love people that get offended on Twitter. They sort of make it all worth it.

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E~ville @E_Ville13

When you've experienced so much death in life, all the little things matter a lot more.

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I put a little smoke in the air today. 🍻

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Jen @SleepEatScream

Coffee, hate everything then take a long nap?

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𝖇𝖋 @el_cucuy930

2 extra large coffees 4 marijuanas and a breakfast burrito please

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Sweaty Paloma 🇺🇸@talldarkthirsty

Getting a call to help bury a body > getting a call to help move

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Ava @avainwordland

You can’t be lost if you don’t want to be found.

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Cabo 🍳🇺🇸@Shot_Of_Cabo

You def need another neck tattoo instead of saving to buy a house. Priorities, dumb ass.

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Jö$h @JoshKing2

Looking for someone to Snapchat with me using Muppet's. NO WEIRDO'S

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Willie @FrankieBuIIshit

I’ve got big plans for all of this. Big plans.

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Cabo 🍳🇺🇸@Shot_Of_Cabo

I stopped buying stuff because I can't keep up with the review requests.

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Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler

Just call me angel of the morning but I really prefer "Seraph of "The Price Is Right's" time slot."

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Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler

Third date idea: we binge watch "The Wire" sin pantalones.

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Horatio Quartzjixler @Quartzjixler

As I am getting older, I am starting to regret being born in an era in which I won't have an opportunity to shake my cane threateningly at some scallywags or rascals.

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time to find out if the new guy at work likes the tickle monster

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If I start saving now, I can go as some dude that has $20 in his pocket for Halloween.

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sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy

My husband started talking to me while I was eating Doritos so I couldn’t hear a word he was saying. I think I’m onto something.

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@TheCensoredRock

“I’m gonna pretend I care about illegal immigrant kids by showing off my tits and cross eyes” is not the flex you think it is, tard face

@shelbystardust

ICE has now separated over 145,000 children from their parents. If this fact doesn’t deeply disturb you, your morals are broken and you are certainly no fucking “Christian.”

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@ATree_Official

No shade for you

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If we had women-only gyms, most women would stop going.

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E~ville @E_Ville13

If i have to tell you that the ball is in your court, you've already fucked up.

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