James Totty

I feel like recently I've had to suffix more and more of my sentences with "...I'm not a crackpot", or words to that effect.

Teeth are such feckless little bastards. Made out of the same stuff as bones - that carry your entire body weight 24/7 and can heal if broken. But teeth are like mate I need brushing twice a day, my enamel will wear away, and if you eat chocolate I’ll literally just fucking rot.

Took a sip of orange juice without realising a wasp had fallen in it. Ended up with an angry half drowned wasp in my gob. Followed it up by typo’ing an email so I described my colleagues as ‘busty’ instead of ‘busy’. Excited for what else can happen this afternoon.

Using an upbeat or happy song ironically over a serious scene and/or in a disturbing context is the zenith of filmmaking, and nobody can convince me otherwise.

If tabloid shitchurners could stop using the phrase ‘breaks silence’ to describe everything everyone does I’d really appreciate it.

Dear The United Nations, You should exclude Chad and Romania until they both change their flags instead of having the same one like a pair of bellends. I am not a crackpot.

No scene in TV will ever surpass the bit in Doctor Who where Bill is trying to be gay with that girl she fancies and The Doctor accidentally brings The Pope to her flat

People who say they like dogs but then don't like little toy dogs or big slobbering mastiffs are cunts. All doggos are good doggos. Rottweilers, St Bernards, and Chihuahuas are equally good bois. Get a grip.

Damn women with their… *checks notes* …doing jobs they’re highly experienced at and qualified to do.

The fact that quite often I check train prices and then find that it's cheaper to fly domestically for my journey is disgusting. Until green transport is accessible and affordable all other emissions policy is bunk.

It’s mad chilling in a horrific cost of living crisis while the country collapses and starves. Especially when every week or so you see a suggested article from @thetimes that’s always something like “Should you sell your third home? Diamond share prices say yes.”