If men really wanted to get rid of the people stealing our jobs, we would deport all women instead. #comedy #Feminist #Immigrants

Two new episodes of the Funny Flower Hour out now! creators.spotify.com/pod/sho… #podcast #sketchcomedy #comedy @adultswim @cartoonnetwork

Every person is a rhumba just hoping to be placed in the right direction.

Listen to "Call 20 Milwaukee Miracles with Jake and Elvis" by Comedy Calls. creators.spotify.com/pod/sho… #podcast #comedy #standup

Listen to "Medford Margaritaville with Jake Q and Will Lampe" by Comedy Calls podcast. creators.spotify.com/pod/sho… #podcast #comedy #standup

Listen to "Call 18 Hobos with Tuxedos and Top Hats with Jake and Elvis " by Comedy Calls. creators.spotify.com/pod/sho… #podcast #comedy

Listen to "Call 17 The Funny Flower Pod with Andrew Goldschmidt" by Comedy Calls. @FunnyFlowerHour #podcast #sketchcomedy #comedy creators.spotify.com/pod/sho…

What do you call a karate master with the flu? Japasneeze. 🙏 🥋 🤧 #oneliners #jokes #oneliner #comedy

I like the non-binary "they" because it allows me to be more inclusive while glossing right over women. Somebody tells me they have a great doctor. I say, "Really? What's his name- or THEIR name?..." #inclusivity #inclusive #gender #nonbinary #feminism #oneliners #jokes #comedy

Quote of the Day: Just be yourself! -A likeable person #inspirational #quotesoftheday #lonely #oneliners #jokes #standup #standupcomedy #comedy #openmic #openmiccomedy

Listen to the latest episode of Comedy Calls #podcast: Call 15 NYC vs. Japan with Jake and Elvis. podcasters.spotify.com/pod/s… #comedy #standup #NYC #japan

I hate anti-Semites. Thanks to them, I can't make fun of Jews. You know how easy those people are to make fun of? #jews #Antisemitism #jokes #oneliners #standup #standupcomedy #comedy

Listen to my new podcast Comedy Calls, episode 1 "The Portland Pilot with Jake and Elvis Quanbeck." podcasters.spotify.com/pod/s…

I recently started masturbating at a standing desk, and my coworkers hate it. #jokes #oneliners #standup #standupcomedy #comedy

I'd like to think that quality is more important than quantity, but have you ever tried to masturbate just giving yourself one really good stroke? #jokes #oneliners #standup #standupcomedy #comedy

I don't like to toot my own horn, but people get really angry when I ask them to toot it for me. Especially that lady at the park.  #jokes #oneliners #standup #standupcomedy #comedy