J8k

There’s a certain sliminess about onions

Drinking and driving rn 😳 Jk I’m slurpin on a gogurt 😎

A leg sleeve would fix me

I love telling my cat I’m gonna give her a kiss and then I actually give her 5 kisses lmao get kissed idiot

In the mood to tinker, haven’t been able to tinker for a while

Hoth Battle can suck my cock

Didn’t realize how often I say “hell yeah” until the foreman at my jobsite said “or as Jake would say “hell yeah”” today

Me at work: 😒 Me remembering that I get to give my cat a lil smooch when I get home : 😏

I don’t like my music loud I only turn it up high enough to make the rear view mirror shake a little bit

All im sayin is the word asphalt should not be as funny as it is

One of my biggest flexes is my frame perfect YouTube ad skips

What is it about a dirt nasty China cymbal that makes me wanna hit somebody

Imagine getting freaky with a girl in the arctic circle and foreplay is just you two taking off all 15 layers of clothes you have on for 10 minutes

If Eskimo kissing the homies goodnight is gay then I’m fuckin cooked

I walk on the linoleum in my apartment with footwear equipped a lot for a guy who doesn’t like random little bits getting stuck to the bottom of my feet when I walk on the linoleum barefoot

Dawg you even asked to see my receipt as I was walking out, I shouldn’t be able to steal groceries from Walmart this easily

Used to not poop with the door open, been poopin w the door open recently, ain’t too bad

Whoever invented dawn dish soap needs their ass ate fr

One time in highschool I was making out with a girl in my Jetta and I unironically thought it would be a good idea to pop Red Hot Chili Peppers “Blood Sugar Sex Magik” in the CD player and start playing track 5 and the fact that she chose to not leave on the spot is beyond me

My biggest flex to date is having the shortest jorts no matter what group of people I’m with