Still never watched Star Wars

Every time our prison meal arrives Tristan takes it and asks through the door “Is this organic?” The prison guards usually reply with: What? Tristan: Is this food organic? Guard: What? Just take it. Tristan: Is this locally sourced? Guard: *slams food tray shut* Tristan then eats the food and complains to me the entire time that it's not organic and not locally sourced. He's been doing this every single meal for weeks.

Tristan asked the guard yesterday if the chicken was from a free range farm and the guard replied “Nigga you’re weird. This is jail” Tristan has “lost his temper” paces back and forth talking about how mean it is to battery farm chickens and has begun writing the warden of the jail and progressing through the jail grievance process. He is also writing to Gordon Ramsey and Jamie Oliver requesting immediate assistance.

Tristan has written to the prison warden as well as Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey to say that he’s very concerned the prison cook has “lost his passion for being a chef” as the hot dogs were under-seasoned. We should receive a reply from the prison within 7 days.

Turns out the videos in the group chat were eelegal

Lives as difficult as mine crush 99% of those who endure them, and make world-famous winners of the survivors. Pressure makes diamonds. The pain of unjust imprisonment refills my chi well. It reestablishes my powers. Hurt me. That’s why I win.