A horse spooking at the same corner of the arena that they pass every day is the equivalent of humans sprinting to the bedroom as soon as we turn off the hall light - we KNOW we’ve done it a million times and nothing scary has happened, but you can never be TOO SURE.

My Coach, in my lesson: Explains exactly what I need to do at home, step by step, to improve my riding and my horses way of going Me, riding at home afterwards:

Good morning to everyone except coaches who tell you to 'come again' and then put the jump up four holes when you're not looking

My trainer at least 20-30 times in my lesson:

I got 99 problems and most of them could be solved by more leg

Me to the judge at the end of an absolute s**tshow of a dressage test, with my horse halted on three tracks:

Me, trying to give my horse the correct aids for a movement My Body:

My horse when I go to bring him in from the field, having pulled his rug off again:

Me: I just think motorbikes are really dangerous Also me: Mounts a half tonne live animal that is scared of its own shadow and has the power to kill me and asks it to jump over stuff

There are two types of horses

Grey horses being kept clean after being washed the night before a show:

When someone comments on a Facebook thread suggesting the owner should consult a professional instead of asking for the advice of strangers on the internet:

Equestrian Translations: “Tack Room Clear Out” = Selling a load of your stuff so you can go and buy more stuff

Me: It’s OK to be a horse owner struggling with confidence issues and feeling like you’re letting your horse down My Brain: Not u tho Me: Not me tho

My horse, when life has been going well for me for a while:

Me, trying to see a stride:

Anyone: Knocks a fence showjumping Spectators:

Me: Gives another horse in the barn a treat My Horse:

When I die:

An Equestrian, after choosing to share their journey publicly on social media:

If you had to name your horse based on the word or phrase you say to them the most - what would their name be? Both of mine would be "Stop That" 🙃