For those about to Howl… We Salute You❗️

Dropped a steamer from the top floor of my office building during a rainy day so the car it landed on would smear it all over the windshield with the wipers.

My landlord just evicted me from the county, I didn’t realize he could do that. somebody have like a trailer? I have 2 broken pinball machines I was gonna fix and flip I need to move.

I don’t wanna. Will issue.

Some of you don’t realize how hard it is to live with a constantly dripping itchy ass and it shows.

Got struck by a lightning bolt now my cock functions as a cattle prod

You fuck with the bull you’ll get him horny or however that saying goes

Shook my head a bit sounded like kidney stones in a fish bowl up there

Ice tea enema but it’s boiling

I miss when the daily newspaper had little crosswords and comic strips.

For a guy named after Satan he sure seems to dislike sin

Every time I shave little mites crawl out of my pores, wriggle up to my ear and remind me that I’m a failure.

Cornell 7 sounds like the name of a traveling tap dance group.

Looking for someone to be the sourdough to my starter👀

Went to an aquarium and they had those little fish that eat dead skin off your hands. An Egyptian kid fell in and they deadass ate him alive.

Mice on Venus, more like lice on penis.

Sad music triggers bowel movements for me

Looks like Jordan Peele in a dress