@HardDriveMag

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hard-drive.net
Joined May 2017
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Despite an already Herculean effort by our editor @thatCoffman , we need a little more time to get the show ready for you. The Hard Drive Game Awards will now premier 12/18 at 7PM EST on twitch.tv/harddrivemag
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PlayStation Fans Begin Building “Competent Sony Executive” Emulator hard-drive.net/playstation-f…

PlayStation Fans Begin Building “Competent Sony Executive” Emulator 

NEW YORK – A coalition of PlayStation fans, frustrated by the impending discontinuation of the console’s physical media, have announced they are... Continue reading this gem

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God Admits He’s Been AFKing for the Past 2,000 Years hard-drive.net/god-admits-he…

God Admits He’s Been AFKing for the Past 2,000 Years

HEAVEN – Prime Mover and Supreme Creator of the Universe God admitted he’s been away from keyboard (AFKing) on Earth for the... Get the full story

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Well, Well, Well, Look Who’s Come Crawling Back — Guest Post by Gamestop hard-drive.net/well-well-wel…

Well, Well, Well, Look Who’s Come Crawling Back — Guest Post by Gamestop

Well, look who it is. I guess you heard that Sony is stopping production of all physical discs by 2028. And you... Get the full story

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Yoshi Held in Custody After Vanilla Lake Police Find Unregistered Red Turtle Shell in His Kart hard-drive.net/yoshi-held-in…

Yoshi Held in Custody After Vanilla Lake Police Find Unregistered Red Turtle Shell in His Kart

MUSHROOM KINGDOM – Dinosaur and Super Mario Kart racer Yoshi has been detained by Vanilla Lake Police Department (VLPD) after a routine... Get the full story

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Microsoft Reveals Next Xbox Console Will Be Able To Play DVDs hard-drive.net/microsoft-rev…

Microsoft Reveals Next Xbox Console Will Be Able To Play DVDs

REDMOND, Wash. – Microsoft Gaming has announced that its forthcoming, yet to-be-named next-generation Xbox console will be able to play DVDs, befuddled... Get the full story

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Stephen Miller Visibly Erect After Dropping Baby Penguin off Cliff in Super Mario 64 hard-drive.net/stephen-mille…

Stephen Miller Visibly Erect After Dropping Baby Penguin off Cliff in Super Mario 64

WASHINGTON – United States Homeland Security Advisor Stephen Miller was seen with a protruding erection after dropping the baby penguin off the... Get the full story

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hard-drive.net/a-complete-li…

A Complete List of Foodborne Illnesses I Caught From Eating at Bancho Sushi

OK, let this be a warning to everyone to read up on restaurants before patronizing them; ESPECIALLY sushi restaurants. A lovable scuba... Continue this tale

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Five Amazing Pieces of Furniture I Could Make With the Great Deku Tree if You’d Just Let Me Chop It Down hard-drive.net/five-amazing-…

Five Amazing Pieces of Furniture I Could Make With the Great Deku Tree if You’d Just Let Me Chop It...

OK, I know the Kokiri worship this goddamn thing, but seriously, just look at it. It’s a monstrosity and an eyesore. I... Get the full story

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Mushroom Kingdom Reaches Hazard Pay Agreement With Hammer Bros. Union hard-drive.net/mushroom-king…

Mushroom Kingdom Reaches Hazard Pay Agreement With Hammer Bros. Union

MUSHROOM KINGDOM – Government officials have reached an agreement with the Hammer Bros. Union, which involves a 20% pay increase due to... Continue reading this gem

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We Tried To Interview the Ninja Turtles but Immediately Caught Typhoid Fever and Hepatitis a From Walking Through the New York City Sewer System hard-drive.net/we-tried-to-i…

We Tried To Interview the Ninja Turtles but Immediately Caught Typhoid Fever and Hepatitis A From...

OK, our editors are going to have to start doing more research on our interviews before they assign them to us. At... Continue this tale

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Link Receives Final Warning for Violating Planet Fitness’ Grunting Policy hard-drive.net/link-receives…

Link Receives Final Warning for Violating Planet Fitness’ Grunting Policy

HYRULE – Hylian swordsman Link has received his final warning for violating the grunting policy at the Kakariko Village Planet Fitness, irritated... Read the full masterpiece

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Dr. Robotnik Reveals His Ph.D. Is in Business Administration hard-drive.net/dr-robotnik-r…

Dr. Robotnik Reveals His Ph.D. Is in Business Administration

FINAL ZONE – Presumed scientist and main antagonist of the “Sonic the Hedgehog” series of games Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik revealed that... Continue this tale

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Every Conservative at Anime Convention Cosplaying as Mr. Popo hard-drive.net/every-conserv…

Every Conservative at Anime Convention Cosplaying as Mr. Popo

SYRACUSE, N.Y. – Every conservative at the Animetopia convention in Syracuse’s Oncenter appeared at the event dressed like Dragon Ball Z character... Read more nonsense

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Twitch Streamer With $4,000 Setup Apparently Couldn’t Have Been Bothered To Make the Bed Behind Him hard-drive.net/twitch-stream…

Twitch Streamer With $4,000 Setup Apparently Couldn’t Have Been Bothered To Make the Bed Behind Him

NASHUA, N.H. – Twitch Streamer Kerry “Kerry_Killsh0t” Bertram had clearly spent more of his money and effort in designing his streaming setup... Continue this tale

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Cameo Birthday Shoutout From James Sunderland Really Fucking Depressing hard-drive.net/cameo-birthda…

Cameo Birthday Shoutout From James Sunderland Really Fucking Depressing

BRANSON, Mo. – A Cameo birthday shoutout from Silent Hill 2’s James Sunderland purchased by Daryl Bruner for a friend ended up... Read the full masterpiece

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Man Has Incredible, Life-Changing Experience Playing Spiritfarer on the Same Computer That He Uses To Masturbate hard-drive.net/man-has-incre…

Man Has Incredible, Life-Changing Experience Playing Spiritfarer on the Same Computer That He Uses...

AUGUSTA, Ga. – 24-year-old James Grier had a life-changing experience playing notable indie management sim Spiritfarer on the same CyberPowerPC GeForce gaming... Read the full masterpiece

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Pathetic Protagonist Doesn’t Even Frontflip While Double Jumping hard-drive.net/pathetic-prot…

Pathetic Protagonist Doesn’t Even Frontflip While Double Jumping

AUSTRIAN EMPIRE – Nathan Graves, the absolutely pathetic protagonist of 2001 metroidvania “Castlevania: Circle of the Moon”, couldn’t even do a frontflip... Continue this tale

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We Rank the Five Best PS5 Games That Don’t Use the L2 Button Because Ours Is Broken hard-drive.net/we-rank-the-f…

We Rank the Five Best PS5 Games That Don’t Use the L2 Button Because Ours Is Broken

You know what? If our editors want to give us the weighty assignment of ranking the five best PlayStation 5 games, fine.... Continue this tale

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SCS Software Reveals “American Truck Simulator 2” Will Come With 5 Grams of Methamphetamine hard-drive.net/scs-software-…

SCS Software Reveals “American Truck Simulator 2” Will Come With 5 Grams of Methamphetamine

PRAGUE — Video game developer SCS Software has revealed that the sequel to 2016’s “American Truck Simulator” will come packaged with 5... Read the full masterpiece

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Ugh, Sorry: We Interviewed Orson Scott Card Without Researching Him First hard-drive.net/ugh-sorry-we-…

Ugh, Sorry: We Interviewed Orson Scott Card Without Researching Him First

OK, this one’s on us. We’re huge fans of the Enderverse, so when we got a chance to interview its author, Orson... Continue this tale

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