Don’t forget, Nerf is a season, and that season is just about over. Paid $7 for conservatively 20 Nerf guns. Spotted one drum mag that pays for the whole thing. Very confusing trash pick up come Sunday when I discard the bodies, but nothing new around here.

The continental breakfast at this hotel is $20. I’d rather die.

I bought a mechanic tool chest to hold 30,000 Magic The Gathering cards, and my grandfather is likely rolling in his grave.

Whoever invented the urinal mat that changes color from your piss, has clearly never cleaned a bar bathroom.

You just know that bitch Jolene is gonna live to be 81.

If Jesus was real, he'd descend from Heaven and list these 13k MTG cards on Ebay for me, because he'd love me and be really good at it.

If you don’t say “Hello love!” To all the elderly ladies making food at the baseball stadium, you will never see Valhalla.

Gave some lady, running a two day yard sale, my number and explained I would buy stuff at X. Shes texting me asking for 5x. Like, bitch, good luck bringing all that stuff inside, cause I literally don't give a shit if I own it or not.

I came in here to cool down….,

I really wanted a veal parm sub, but the place I went to only had chicken, and it wasn’t good and now I need a do over.

I hate when I can’t stop thinking about McDonald’s hot and spicy chicken sandwich and it’s 8:30 in the morning.

Hello darkness, my old friend..... I *just* finished sorting the other box like this isn't manageable piles, and the post office sends me the rest of the exploded package. This 5000 card lot had to have been 8-9000. I paid $200 and sold $100 in cards from it in the last 12 hours.

Bought a $200 mystery lot of 5000 MTG cards from a guy who had no idea what they were. Every card in this case is worth between $2-$15. Pretty slick pick up!

It’s so wild that Sprite Chill came out of nowhere and is just better than Dr Pepper.

I can’t believe it’s 9am and it’s almost Fuck This O’clock already?

Get a fanny pack, or get the fuck out of the way.

Holy fuck!

My $9 a day habit.

My five year old asked why we don't eat steak. For context: He's unemployed.

My memory of Lindsey Graham is when he ran for president, a staffer called my restaurant to ask if they can come in for a quiet lunch. I said sure, as long as its not a campaign stop. 25 people showed up and made it a campaign stop despite saying otherwise, and tipped $4.50.