It's the last day of September. If you were ever going to drop that "Wake me up when September ends" tweet, now's the time.

It's the first day of September. You may now start with your "Wake me up when September ends" tweets.

(Family hoping I will stick to my new years resolution to stop doing wacky stuff) Me: (on Jan 2) Ok, so the prison bus rental guy will be here any minute with my prison bus...

Who creatures not up stirring not even they mouse

🎶 Faithful friends who are dear to us / Who share beer with us once more 🎵

Happy Hollandaise > Happy Holidays

Eggnog? I think eggnot. Jk. Pass me that festive shit.

The name is Grinch...James Grinch.

Hostage Negotiator: What do we have, cap? Police Captain: It's another figgy pudding situation. Hostage Negotiator: Again?!

I forgot the name for wood stove so instead I called it indoor camp fire.

Wu-Tang Christmas tree                   👐                   WU                   RZA                 METH               SHIMMY              C.R.E.A.M. 36 CHAMBERS      PROTECT YA NECK     FOR THE CHILDREN DIVERSIFY YO BONDS ODB

(\_/) (\_/) ( •_•) (•_• ) />🎁 🧸<\ Merry Christmas.

Deeply concerning if literal: Last Christmas I gave you my heart.

Now, come, come, Mr. Grinch. You get as much fulfillment out of killing as I do.

👏FIX👏ALL👏THE👏BROKEN👏SELF-CHECKOUTS👏

Pie Hard is a Christmas smoothie.

Mood: casting director reviewing headshots for Headless Horseman role

Many idle hands make light devil's advocate.

Me: Finally some quiet time. Just me and my thoughts. Devil on my shoulder: I'll tell you who could go for some thots.

Being dead is the ultimate form of ghosting.