"Just bottle up your feelings and cry in the bath like a normal person."
Your imagination
Joined November 2015
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Bard: “What’s the quest?”
Rogue: “And how much does it pay?”
Wiz: “950 gold to capture an escaped prisoner. A halfling.”
Rogue: “Easy!”
Wiz: “Not really. He’s a powerful mage that can speak to the dead.”
Bard: “So, in other words, we’re dealing with a small medium at large.”
#DnD
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Rogue: “Hurry up!”
Druid: “But we’ve been walking down these stairs forever. I’m tired!”
Rogue: “My gran moves faster than you three!”
Bard: “Wait! Don’t you see what’s happening right now?!”
Rogue: “And what’s that?”
Bard: “You’re a condescending con descending!!”
#DnD
Rogue: “This guy sucks!”
Druid: “We save his kingdom and get ZERO thanks.”
Wiz: “Then we save his fiancé but don’t get invited to the wedding!”
Bard: “It’s okay. I handled it.”
Druid: “How?!”
Bard: “I stole all their wedding gifts and left a note that just says ‘CHECKMATE.’”
#DnD
Rogue: “You can’t order a hit and then be upset when the guy dies.”
NPC: “I didn’t order anything!”
Bard: “You said, and I quote: ‘Now all we need is for some weird accident to get rid the baron.’”
NPC: “I was being hypothetical!”
Bard: “Were you??”
NPC: “YES!!!”
Bard: “Oh.”
#DnD
Bard: “So the quest requires getting a magical mushroom.”
Druid: “From a forest protected by an angel whose name is Dust.”
Rogue: “And then we bring it to a smuggler.”
Bard: “Who goes by the name Mary Jane.”
Wiz: “Yep.”
Bard: “I am really, really, really, really excited.”
#DnD
Bard: “I can’t believe you got robbed.”
Druid: “Me neither. It was scary!”
Wiz: “What did they take?”
Bard: “All that seems to be missing from your bag is that silver necklace and your crystal sheep figurine.”
Wiz: “They took your little amethyst ram?!”
Druid: “Ramethyst!!!”
#DnD
Bard: “These poor people!”
Rogue: “Their suffering will end soon enough. We’ll set things right.”
Wiz: “A wise mad once said: ‘It’s darkest just before the dawn.’”
Bard: “Unless you’re blind.”
Druid: “Or in a cave.”
Bard: “Or in a barrel.”
Druid: “Or in a barrel IN a cave!”
#DnD
Goblin Leg Gang retweeted
PHB:
Tieflings are mostly evil, they have demon blood inside of them and are the outcasts of society
Literally everyone who plays a Tiefling:
This is my little demon and he's very precious and loves his friends and animals and he doesn't deserve all this hate
#DnD
Rogue: “What do you think of the festival, my son?”
Druid: “What are you doing?! I’m not your son.”
Rogue: “We’re in disguise, remember?! Just play along!”
Druid: “Oh, right. Sorry. Try again.”
Rogue: “What do...”
Druid: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD AND YOU NEVER WILL BE !!!!!”
#DnD
Rogue: “I can guarantee you this place is trapped. Don’t touch anything.”
Bard: “Okay. Jeez!”
Druid: “Ummmm...”
Bard: “What?”
Rogue: “You’re holding a jade vase.”
Druid: “And a candelabra.”
Bard: “These?! These are mine. I... uh... I brought them from home. I promise.”
#DnD
Rogue: “Shit! The door is sealed.”
Druid: “I’m almost dead.”
Bard: “And those spikes are getting closer!”
Druid: “This happens way too often.”
Rogue: “Okay. What we need now is a way out...”
Bard: “What we NEED is a rogue who can spot a goddamn trap for once!!!”
#DnD
Rogue: “You’re alive! How did you get out?!?”
Wiz: “I just hit him with a lightning bolt and ran for my life.”
Bard: “So you bolted and then bolted.”
Rogue: “Don’t.”
Bard: “What a shocking turn of events!”
Druid: “I bet the bad guy hertz right now.”
Bard: “I’m amped up!”
#DnD
Druid: “Ow!”
Wiz: “Shit!”
Bard: “You stepped on a hornet nest!”
Wiz “They’re everywhere!”
Druid: “Quick! Smoke!”
Wiz: “What?!”
Druid: “Smoke makes them dizzy. Make a fire! Smoke them out!!”
Bard: “Yes!! Smoke me up too! Let’s make this a party!”
Wiz: “He said OUT not UP.”
#DnD
Bard: “What a LOVELY day this is.”
Wiz: “You’re awfully cheerful for someone who hates mornings.”
Rogue: “Yeah. What’s going on? What did you do?”
Bard: “Nothing! I just had a really good sleep..... I also put a pickled egg in your pack. You can have it. If you can find it!”
#DnD
Wiz: “The distraction actually fooled them!”
Rogue: “And the disguise was perfect. I walked in.”
Bard: “Hang on. Does this mean our plan is actually working?!”
Rogue: “I think so.”
Bard: “This is weird. I don’t like it.”
Druid: “Yeah I’m not comfortable working like this.”
#DnD
Rogue: “So?? What kind of loot is in this place?!”
Wiz: “There’s a nice rug. And there’s some art.”
Rogue: “I have no interest in art!”
Bard: “Art, huh? Are there any nudes??”
Wiz: “No. Mostly landscapes.”
Bard: “I have no interest in art!!”
#DnD
Rogue: “Really?? You honestly believe that?!”
Bard: “Yeah.”
Wiz: “Yep.”
Rogue: “You’re both going to hell.”
Wiz: “First, calm down. Second, you can’t threaten an atheist with hell.”
Bard: “Yeah. That’s like a hippy druid threatening to punch you in your aura.”
Druid: “Hey!”
#DnD
Rogue: “And then a dozen more guards came running. I took out six and then scaled the wall while dodging spears thrown by the others.”
Wiz: “A dozen?? You’re so full of shit, the toilet is jealous!”
Bard: “Damn!! Wizard burn!”
Druid: “You guys... What’s a toilet?!”
#DnD