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My personal brand is sitting on my couch in sweat pants, eating chicken wings and crying.
Regularly googling the score and getting back on this app to monitor how @kelseytsutton is feeling about the falcons game just because I love her and want to make sure she’s happy and not getting stressed by the men throwing balls
I *just* updated from Twitter to x so that I could properly complain about @AmazonKindle not releasing CC3 (HOSAF) preorders at midnight - that is how pressed I am. Do you know how long I had held out.
A woman, with full sincerity, just asked to double check my age because she thought I might be under 18. I’m 30. Get a tretinoin prescription friends. It’ll change your life, or at least help rewind the clock.
I always thought I’d learn to twerk once I lived alone because it’d be less embarrassing but it turns out there’s no look more judgmentmental than the one your pets give you when they’re see you trying to shake your ass
I just offered someone at the dog park what I thought was a poop bag that I had in my pocket. What else would be crinkling in there?
A fruit roll up wrapper. It was a fruit roll up wrapper.
This might be an unpopular opinion, but if your child is too big to be held and too young to understand how to behave around dogs (ie not running) then you have no business taking them to a dog park. Even then, taking your kids to a dog park puts everyone at risk.
I love living above my gym. It’s so nice to hear people have an intense workout while I eat apple pie for breakfast.
I feel like people still have cutesy ideas of what ADHD looks like. I was out of medication for the last 5 days. I needed to wash my hair 5 days ago. Every day I was like “come on wash your hair. You’ll feel good.” And I just couldn’t until today when I got meds. It’s exhausting.
Can we all come to an agreement that the green veggie straws taste SIGNIFICANTLY worse and our parents were lying to us when they tried to say all three colors taste the same
Chloë Emanuelle retweeted
Vigilante Shit in a nutshell #MidnightsTaylorSwift




