I'm officially in the club. Today I almost got ran over by a Tesla that ran a red light. It's cool, I know where he parks .

Well, at least Pringles are still terrible. HEY KIDS! want a chip that tastes like nothing and is only sort of seasoned on one side? PRINGLES GOT'CHU! what the actual fuck

*watches the last episode of 30 Rock* Guess I'm stil gonna get all weepy about this, fuckin A Liz Lemon

Whatever happened to the @sarchasmband guys? last pop punk album I bought that completely fuckin ruled. I mean, I know, but c'mon back

Whenever my back is bothering me I sleep on the basement floor until I find myself looking back fondly on my shitty mattress. None of us make sense.

Okay smartarse, if I'm not autistic why do I spend 40$ to make 4 batches of homebrew hot sauce only to put it on Aldi chicken nuggies?

Used to date a taxi girl, we would hang out, then she would get me to drive her home (30 mins away), and that was it, generally. Just got caught up with her after a couple years and she offered to come hang if I venmo'd her 40$ "is this STILL your bit? Damn. I'm blind ope"

There she goes kids, delivering yet another horse to her daddy for slaughter.

SUPERDRAGGIN' MY HEART AROUND! it's legit good to hear. @FranziaMom get it in your head youtube.com/watch?v=MuNH_8J0…

People talk about modern masterpieces of indie/punk/emo and it should always include Radio by Alkaline Trio because we've all been there.

Netflix with ads is super Fucked Up.

There ain't no motherfucker like the last motherfucker than is the next motherfucker. Cyclical motherfuckerism is the past, tense future. Knives out, knuckles up.

Lou Koller was just lost to cancer. Longtime frontman for Sick of It All, he was the first big time hardcore singer that did pit vocals with us and passed me the mic for 'Clobberin Time' once. The fuckin best, we're all better for him bein with us. #SICKOFITALL

I'm gonna trade in my blind cane for an over-under duck gun and we'll just see how many people cut me off in the crosswalk. DON'T DRIVE THRU CROSSWALKS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. Someone bring me rum.

If you ever had to shit in a Pittsburgh toilet at a DIY show you're immune to shame forever.

There's a friend of mine. His wife celebrates half-birthdays. Every.Six.Months.Cake. It is exhausting to his friends, we don't show up anymore. I can only imagine the kids feel weird about it at this point. Don't do this.

*Sewing ice packs into a tanktop so I can wear a hoodie comfortably in July* Ahhh, this is my favorite weather.

If you mix iced tea and mead it's a Sven Palmer. Bonus if you homebrew the mead. Which is easy. Don't pay for mead.

This is how you can tell it's ragebait. Ween is a profoundly dorkass band that I have seen live upwards of 10 times.

Wait till they put the lead back in gas so they can cook kids brains into another generation of mush-lobe boomers