Getting older is one body part after another saying, “You think that’s bad? Watch this!”

The strangest part of being Gen X is that we didn't just grow older. We watched the world we grew up in become a completely different place. We went from rotary phones to AI. From waiting a week for photos to seeing them instantly. From encyclopedias to carrying the world's knowledge in our pockets. And somewhere along the way, the people who seemed immortal became memories, the technology we thought was revolutionary became obsolete, and the kids who grew up without the internet became the adults trying to explain it to their grandchildren. Gen X: we’re living proof that you can belong to two entirely different worlds in a single lifetime. The world changed faster than we could have imagined, but our memories haven't caught up with the calendar. And perhaps that's why the 1990s still feel like yesterday. One minute you're buying your first cassette. The next you're wondering how the hell it's 2026. The truly mind-blowing bit? We're now closer to 2050 than we are to 2000. Let that sink in.

Marriage is when you know your wife adores you, but also finds you the single most annoying person on the planet all within the same minute.

The government announced today that it's changing it's emblem to that of a “Condom”, because it more accurately reflects the government's contribution to its stakeholders. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you’re being screwed. It just doesn't get more accurate than that!

Taking a couple of @wallabies - supporting mates to lunch at Meat & Wine Co., before the #BledisloeCup at @accorstadium, this afternoon. I believe in giving back to the community, supporting those less fortunate, and helping people through difficult times. Figured I’d give them a decent meal before the #rugby. I’m a good bloke like that. 🇳🇿😂🏉 #AllBlacks @allblacks

I work for Amazon! What I do for Amazon is l break down all the boxes that they deliver to my wife and get them into the recycling bin!

Not in Jail; Not in a Mental Hospital; Not in a Grave; I’d say it was a good day!

Task List for Today: Drink your coffee Stay focused and positive Don't freak out Remember, stabbing people is wrong! Are you wearing pants?

If at first you don’t succeed, try a bottle opener… it’s probably not a twist top!

I did something embarrassing in 1981. Thankfully, nobody had a camera in their pocket.

My spouse (the FPM) thinks I'm weird, I'm not the one who married me.

I had a coffee in 1984. I didn’t post a photo of the cup, so historians remain divided.

Do you remember before the internet when people thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information? Yeah, it wasn't that.

I'm officially launching a new golf startup. For $75 a round, I will walk 18 holes with you and strictly provide high-quality compliments, emotional validation, and gaslight you into believing you're ready for the tour. SERIOUS INQUIRIES ONLY.

Remember you are only young once, but can be immature forever!

Mount Panorama doesn't care about your qualifying time, your championship points or your confidence. It just waits patiently for you to get it wrong. #bathurst1000

🏁 IT’S BATHURST 1000 SUNDAY! The Great Race is upon us. 1,000 kilometres of high-speed drama, strategy calls, tyre degradation, safety cars and enough armchair expertise to staff every pit garage on the grid. By lunchtime, we’ll all be race engineers. By mid-afternoon, we’ll be questioning the team’s strategy. And by the finish, half the country will be convinced they could have managed the pit stops better themselves. God bless Mount Panorama. God bless Australian motorsport. May the best driver/team win. Fire up the V8s. This is what Sundays were made for. #bathurst1000

Today, Australia divides into two groups: those watching the race and those pretending they don't care while secretly checking the leaderboard. #bathurst1000