Things that are overrated: Airport lounges Recycling “Let’s grab coffee” networking Airbnb instead of a hotel First class on a short-haul flight Working from home Frank Lloyd Wright Going out on weekends Group texts Company loyalty Michelin-starred restaurants Aperol Spritz Tajín Dress sneakers Doodles The Louvre Ivy League colleges Other people’s opinions Investment banking as a career Concerts DoorDash and Uber Eats Instagram Valentine’s Day and New Years Eve New Orleans Cold plunges Destination weddings Palm Beach Forgiveness and second chances

5,000 sailors who have been stuck at sea for 250 days are about to drop anchor in Bangkok. They haven't officially seen combat... until now. One of my philanthropic initiatives in Asia was helping sailors in distress. Any time a ship was in town - HK, Singapore, Bangkok - we'd hit the bar district. Drinks on me for all men in uniform, of course. But this was not our primary objective. We'd pace ourselves, and then post up at a bar in Patpong, Wanchai, or Orchid Towers. It's amusing to me that people think you can get arrested for gum in Singapore when they have a literal "Four Floors of Whores" anchored by a ladyboy bar called Crazy Horse. The game we would play during global Fleet Week was "Saving Souls." Any time we spotted a blackout drunken sailor leaving a bar with a "woman" with fake tits, man hands, and an Adam's apple, we would intervene. "DUDE, that's a DUDE." Most people were appreciative of our service. But not all.

Requirements to date my daughter: 1. Spiral a football or swing a golf club proficiently 2. Tie a proper tie knot and take your hat off indoors 3. Change a tire, jump a battery, and back up a trailer without a YouTube tutorial 4. Have a job even if your parents are rich 5. Know how to shuffle a deck of cards 6. Pay for the first few dates with zero expectations 7. Have a passport with stamps from places that aren’t Spring Break destinations 8. Have conservative values - the quiet kind, not the debate club kind 9. Reference actual books, not just podcast soundbites 10. Have a firm handshake, confident eye contact, and shoes off at the door 11. Show up on time - i.e. five minutes early 12. Dress like you intended to leave the house/gym 13. Have mastery of at least one skill or hobby. Passion is contagious 14. Know when to put your phone away, especially when talking to me 15. Laugh at yourself, and listen more than you talk

If you have kids under 13 (I do), they will never drive a car… except ocassionally for fun. The “first car at 16” rite of passage is dead. They’ll just get a self-driving Tesla. You set the speed limit, cap the acceleration, lock the safety features, enforce curfew, and get pinged the second they break the rules. Safest car on the road, and one of the most affordable. And since most cars spend ~90% of their life parked, this one will make money (pay for itself) as a Robotaxi when not being used. So, it's also an entrepreneurial financial literacy tool; every kid will be a small business owner. Also. Where (or if) they go to college won’t matter either. Our job as parents now is to instill intellectual curiosity, happiness, and give them foundational support via hard assets and diversified cash flow. The future is going to be wild. Unknown unknowns.

These people don't appear on any published rich list. The shadows and gutters of global finance are filled with anonymous billionaires, heirs, and villains. And we don't have a clue.

I would wager any amount of money that this JP Morgan woman is 1000% innocent and now she's having her life ruined by some failed banker turned scammer. 1. JPM conducted a full internal investigation. That means they would have forensically analyzed all devices - business and personal - for direct evidence and indirect behavioral patterns. She cooperated. He didn't. 2. Her reputation is rock solid. JPM LevFin employees are calling her kind and professional, and even prudish (i.e. the opposite of deviant). Conversely, they are calling this John Doe coward a creep and a loser. Now she's been meme'd into oblivion by the Daily Mail and the social media masses. How can she get another job? How can she get a promotion? How can she find a life partner? The memes are funny, but they are destroying this poor woman's life. So try to keep that in mind and have some grace.

Advice for my 16-year-old self (in today's world): 1. Your first job (16) should be as a waiter Developing soft skills, dealing with difficult customers, and working with immigrants, convicts, dropouts, addicts, single moms, and people who don't even have passports will teach you more than you could ever learn at an Ivy League school. Your second job (18) should be as a bartender. Successfully navigating the drunk and entitled will teach you lifelong skills, and your results are measured nightly in the form of tips. And it’s more fun.

I don’t understand the student loan issue. These people invested in themselves, and lost. Or, they were lied to about the value of their degree. Plumbers shouldn’t bail them out. xitter.cf/Bubblebathgirl/status/…

Pump the brakes, Homan.

I'm not sure people understand how important this is: Goldman Sachs CEO says that AI can draft 95% of an IPO prospectus “in minutes.” White collar jobs will go first.... and fast.

If you live in Pacific Palisades, you paid your dues... Doctors, lawyers, agents, entrepreneurs, etc. You believed in the American Dream. You paid your taxes. You trusted the system. Then you adopted luxury beliefs like Affirmative Action and DEI and Climate Change™ and Science™. And they fucked you. It's time to wake up.

Rules for the office Christmas party: 1. Don’t skip it. 2. Eat before you show up to avoid getting intoxicated. 3. Wear what you wore to the office. The guy who changed into skinny jeans and his "going out" shirt clearly has too much free time. 4. Show up on time. Most seniors do. Hang out with them for the first half hour, and then keep your distance. 5. Don’t act excited about the open bar. 6. Don’t talk shop. 7. Don’t flirt or dance with junior staff at the main event. Wait until the after party. 8. Get your adversaries as drunk as possible. 9. Hold your wine glass by the stem. And in your left hand. 10. Hang out with the assistants. They know all the good gossip. 11. No social media. If you’re posting to Instagram or Snapchat, people won’t trust you. 12. Don't do or anything inappropriate; it's still work and HR never stops working. 13. Thank the person who organized the party logistics. 14. Leave early, but not first. 15. Put your card behind the bar at the after party. It makes you the designated leader. 16. Make sure your iPhone alarm clock is already set for the morning. 17. Always be first into the office the next day.

FYI... we are here:

If she scores 100 or more, don't date her: - Gucci or LV bag +10 - Body count > books read +80 - More than 10k IG followers +20 - Has zero hobbies +20 - Uses word “bougie” +10 - Owns a gun -20 - Less than 4 passport stamps +20 - Carries a Stanley cup +10 - Loves Miami, Aspen, or Dubai +10 each - Posted private jet selfie +20 - Thinks Tiffany & Co is nice +20 - Has zero ugly friends +10 - Cracked iPhone +20 - Visible tattoos +20 - Voting for Trump -30

Etiquette 101 - The correct response to being told something you already know isn’t “I know.” It’s “You’re right” - Never split a check - Don't ask someone what their job is, or where they went to school. It's lazy and boring - Hold doors open for women, but go through revolving doors first - Always open a car door for a woman, but if you're sharing the back seat, enter first, and scoot - Stand up to shake hands - Don't tell people it's your birthday - Never respond to a compliment with a compliment  - Respond to text messages promptly - Don't address someone by a nickname unless you know them well - No hats or sunglasses inside - Never show that you're impressed - Log off a Zoom if you have poor reception - Walk with the flow, or at the pace of the woman you're with - Don't make transformative modifications to menu items - Using a phone is like a yawn; it's contagious. Put it away when you're with other people - Say "Thank you" even when texting, not "Thanks" or "Thx" - Always carry cash - Name-dropping is awful, and nickname dropping is worse - If you offer to help, never quit until the job is done - Eat slowly - Gift randomly  - When you meet someone for the 2nd time, remind them what your name is  - Be patient with bartenders; there's no line for drinks at your refrigerator  - Don't leave voicemails, or when necessary, make them brief - Tip more than you should - Don't ask to trade seats on a plane, unless you’re offering an equal or better seat - If you want to buy a woman a drink, ask her permission - Don't say "yes" when you mean "no" - Get on and off an elevator last - Don't cancel plans on the day of - Never admonish or criticize a partner in the presence of others

The little known story of James "Jubilee Jim" Fisk and the original "Big Short" in 1865 is still one of the greatest trades of all time. Jim Fisk's plan was simple: - Be among the first to know when the South surrendered, thus ending the Civil War - Beat the news to London. - Sell millions of dollars worth of soon-to-be-worthless Confederate Civil War bonds. Because the transatlantic telegraph line had broken down during the war, news from America took 10 days to reach Europe. All Fisk needed was a faster boat. He netted $4 million on the trade, or $77 million in today's money, not bad for a kid who grew up poor in Vermont, joined the circus at 15, and made and lost a fortune smuggling cotton during the war. There are certainly bigger trades, but few as interesting. Sadly, Big Jim was gunned down less than a decade later by his mistress's lover.