Mario must be homeless. He wears the same clothes every day, crawls through pipes and sewers, beats people up for money, and spends it on mushrooms.

Opinions are like Assholes, everyone has got one…right? If we’re not allowed to have opinions then no one is allowed to have an asshole, which makes everyone full of Shit.

If Google made a deal with Garbage Truck Drivers, you could update Google Maps street view every week.

If the President gets divorced and is remarried is she know as the Second Lady?

There’s a definite irony that the word “phonetic” starts with a ph.

Let’s Go Russ!!!! #Broncos

Drumsticks are ice cream cones that are named after cuts of poultry that are named after a musical instrument.

Come join my league! #DKLeagues dkn.gs/r/FwGMhdAsb0eJs9sFovp…

Today is National Taco Day: just in case, I’m going to check out Britney Spears Insta. I mean, you never know.

NFL Today at 10:00 AM PDT - $5 entry - 8 spots filled *** draftkings.com/contest/draft… Let’s see what you got

Play now in this League contest! #DKLeagues draftkings.com/contest/draft…

You would think zombies would smell horrible with all the rotting flesh, but the non zombie characters on tv and film never bring it up.

Do you go to bed at the same time as your significant other? MAYBE YOU SHOULD threads.net/t/Cuh2QW_v_jx/?i…

Trying to come up with the name for a child is a trip down memory lane of people you don’t like.

If the voice in my head is me, then who the F is listening to THIS voice in my head?

You know you’re getting only when you start using your wife’s vibrator for back pain.

Everyone has kicked a pregnant woman.