It’s time to face facts: @SecretaryPete is not gonna be there in person to autograph your EIR. Keep your bad suit & your bad self at home and save a life! #TRBAM 😷 #CancelTRBAM

Thanks for another year of phoning it in. Happy 2019! #TRBAM

Am considering taking FakeTRB private at $420. Funding secured. #TRBAM

We’ve been eating cold fast food during #TRBAM since before it was cool.

We didn't see anyone waiting in line for a carpool in Wakanda. #justsaying #TRBAM

Take every single car you own into your hands and see if it sparks joy for you. Make sure you don't start sitting in it. Sitting clouds your judgement.

This year, instead of the traditional recruiting sessions, we’re just making applicants lip sync for their livelihoods #TRBPM #AllStars4

For those who submitted tweets to us last year, we sold them to Cambridge Analytica. Sorry! #TRBAM

If the UK gets a Brexit redo, can we take back all of those years of grad school and go straight into the private sector instead? #TRBAM

For real, you came all the way to #TRBAM and don’t know to stand on the right of an escalator?

Ya’ll made fun of pavement research *for years* and look who’s slipping and falling everywhere now. #TRBAM

Are these new name tags extra jangly or are we just late?

That's it for 2018! As they say in our office-wide retirement email chains: Have a good rest of what life has to offer! #TRBAM

Shout-out to our brothers and sisters at #CES. We've been sitting in the dark for decades now and that's the way we like it! #TRBAM

Up next, celebrating achievewoments in perforwomance measurewoment and high speed railadies! #TRBAM xitter.cf/tpap_/status/951157770…

A map of all the conference halls but with a secret escape plan overlay for when people mistake you for a student for the 5th year in a row really guys you could also just stop assuming things out loud #TRBAM

Back in our day, there weren’t any VC-funded receptions with open bars. We had to walk 15 miles in the snow to Dupont Circle for one measly drink ticket. #TRBAM

Well, good thing the tech companies are all finally here to save transportation, fresh off their victory defending #NetNeutrality. #TRBAM

Been here three days, still haven't learned how to estimate pedestrian LOS at a Trump protest march. #TRBAM