CS Lewis got the inspiration for The Screwtape Letters while his mind wandered during a boring sermon. Who knows what works of art your sermon will inspire this Sunday.

Hey, Reformers. Nice job taking 1,200 years to figure out the pope and his doctrines were bad. "Anabaptists" had that figured out the entire time.

GOD: You reap what you sow. CHRISTIANS: I think I'll keep sowing stupid stuff and pray you turn it into good. CHRISTIANS, YEARS LATER: Prayer doesn't work.

"A man of words and not of deeds is like a garden full of weeds."

"Prosperity is the blessing of the Old Testament; adversity is the blessing of the New." --Francis Bacon

My favorite group activities are the ones that don't have groups or activities.

You don't have to be baptized in a church by a pastor, especially not by a pastor who doesn't know you. If the Bible is a reliable guide, you should probably be baptized by the person who discipled you.

When Jacob wrestled all night with God, was it

I was pastor at a church for 21 years. Now I own a used bookstore. A lady who left that church in a rude way, brought in some books to sell us, one was entitled, "How to Fight for Your Pastor." I showed my wife and said, "I think she read this wrong." I didn't buy it.

FALSE DOCTRINE interprets the entire Bible through one verse. SOUND DOCTRINE uses the entire Bible to interpret any one verse.

"Why do the heathen rage, and the people imagine a vain thing?" "Imagine" is the Hebrew word often translated "meditate." Lots of talk about meditation in the world today. If you meditate on God's Word, that's good. Everything else is just vain, stupid thoughts leading to rage.

John Wesley on 1 Timothy 4:15 "Meditation is no other than faith, hope, love, joy, He that is wholly in these will be little in worldly company, in other studies, in collecting books, medals, or butterflies: wherein many pastors drone away so considerable a part of their lives."

The older I get and the more experiences I have, The more Christian cliches and puff theology irritate me.

The Bible commands us to rejoice. We have to be commanded to rejoice. That's amazing.

If you want to serve the Lord, It helps to actually do things that serve Him.

It was easier to have people over for dinner and provide meals for others before everyone decided to go on niche diets.

Remember pastors: If the application for the passage you're preaching on has already been said, You're not trying hard enough.

One thing Scott Adams taught me was Never respond to a Twitter comment that begins with the word "so." Has saved me much trouble.

I bet if I call my theological opponent a few more names They will totally agree with me.

One of the scariest things to do in a church service is close in prayer after the sermon, Because who knows what craziness is gonna be in that sermon.