monoaprilsexual. earth go hard. https://xitter.cf/t.co/msGAEpsobz

Joined September 2016
Whenever anyone does that thing where they can't remember a word and they look to you for help always suggest "vagina" or "potato".
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kids trying to avoid getting covid is like the rest of us trying to avoid STDs in the 90’s.
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If I type an emoji, I made the face so it felt more authentic. Just know that.
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Hey I remember why I left now. I'll be back for the next president you guys.
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Someone queue the music and kill the mic.
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aka MajorApril retweeted
Hey I remember why I left now. I'll be back for the next president you guys.
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aka MajorApril retweeted
You seem to be a suitable enough disaster for me to befriend. Do you have an unreliable car and a credit card with an available balance of $17.00? -Let's drive.
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Let’s compare nervous breakdowns under the moonlight.
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aka MajorApril retweeted
One of the best things I did for myself over the past year was set boundaries and not put up with toxic behavior of people who refused to own their shit. I no longer have the anxiety of walking on eggshells around anyone
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aka MajorApril retweeted
At 15 I had my first job at McDs. 32 years later, 2 months sober after a life of addiction, I got a job again at McDs, flipping burgers and dropping fries like I did as a teenager. If you can work, do whatever it takes. Never let anyone shame you for taking care of your own.
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aka MajorApril retweeted
Husband, sweetly, “Can I get you a drink?” Me, just because I live in Alabama and we’ve had a hell of a week, “I can get my own damn drink and I don’t need your permission either.” Husband, dangerously close to death, “Yet.”
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aka MajorApril retweeted
Not everyone deserves your midnights, to learn about the monsters in your head, or what music saves your soul.
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aka MajorApril retweeted
You look like you'd bust up my windshield, let's do this.
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before depression: I want a nice stable job and a healthy work/life balance. with depression: pay me $50 and I'll eat this stapler.
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when I was a little girl I always wanted to be Sad In The Bath when I grew up. dreams come true #blessed
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If the shoe fits I say "cool, new shoes". Then I fuck them up. Like everything else. #sadbastardsunday
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Cannibals were way ahead of you guys on getting toxic people out of their lives.
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April says we're bringing back #SadBastardSunday so if anyone needs me, I'll drunk. Just kidding. I know nobody needs me.
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My spidey senses are tingling. Did someone say.....#sadbastardsunday ?
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