novalee graves.

⠀⠀ ┊╱ file loading. . ! novalee graves. semi-selective. english. off-script portrayal. lit & desc. trigger warnings apply as necessary. eighteen plus. ⠀⠀⠀&&; ❛ I have a right to be here ! ❜ hidden by # BLAYDES

&&; new layout ! header and icon template credit to Ethan , @fIowersfly !!!

she looks up at him, a soft smile crossing her features now as he says it doesn’t have to be just for the night. “I’d.. I’d like that very much bradley.”

she nearly melts into his touch, a shaky breath before she can begin to talk. “I.. I don’t want this to be just for a night. and we go back to.. whatever this was earlier tomorrow.”

her heart feels like it’s about to explode from her chest, but she’s looking up at him as if he hangs the sun and the moon, and the stars. to her, he does. there’s a few tears in her eyes though, and her head ducks again. she hates feeling like it’s just for tonight.

“please.. I’d want nothing more.” her voice is still soft, fingers brushing against his lips before she’s leaning forward, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. she loves him so much still, every single bit of him. “I just.. want to feel okay. I want to be held by you.”

“you’re acting like you don’t. like it hurts you to be in the same room as me.” her eyes are still on her lap, voice wavering as the tears fall, and then she lets out a softly whispered ‘ow’. her nails broke the skin of her finger, and she hadn’t noticed until it hurt.

she looks back down at her lap, still messing with her fingers as she sniffles. god damn her still tipsy state and the way her heart clenches as she feels like she’s being rejected all over again. “who’s the us? if it’s .. you and me, I want this. but I.. won’t force you.”

she notices it’s only a half nod, like he’s caving when he doesn’t want too. “you know, I uh.. I just.. I don’t want you doing something you don’t want, and I can tell being around me this much isn’t exactly something you want so if you don’t want to hold me you don’t have to.”

her brain responds with, that’s what you said last time. but then she’s thankful that her partially aware self with a filter catches it before she can open her mouth. “I mean uh.. will you hold me tonight? even if I don’t sleep, it would help so much.. just to be safe.”

“I’m not so sure now. I haven’t uh..” she pauses, looking down at her lap as she messes with her fingers, “I don’t want to make you feel bad but I haven’t really slept the best since we ended. it just doesn’t feel right.” she looks up a second later, “will you stay with me?”

“that’s okay, I think.. I’ll be fine right here.” she doesn’t want to let onto the fact that she feels her heart is hurting, she partially is beginning to regret just showing up at his door even if it’s where she felt the safest. “I uh.. don’t know if I’ll sleep, but I’m fine.”

“no, no I’m gonna take the couch. it’s better if I stay out here.” she wouldn’t be tempted to never leave if she sleeps on the couch, she also wouldn’t be tempted to just stay all day tomorrow.

“or maybe you don’t..” she can feel the way her heart drops, feeling like it’s settled in her stomach now. “I was, but uh.. not anymore.”

she lets out a little huff, brows furrowing as she brings her legs up, crossing them as she leans back against the back of the couch, “I don’t.. even know.. why you’re bein’ so sweet to me. makes me feel.. like you might still love me.” she’s still very tipsy, with has no filter.

she’s taking her mug from the table, pulling it up as she takes in the smell of it, sighing before she takes a sip. “you’re being too sweet to me, I don’t deserve this.”

she blinks, yawning a second later before she’s sitting back up, slowly so she won’t get sick and dizzy. “I don’t want to.. mess up any sort of routine you have here.”