Hi everyone, I’m Ethan’s Analyst. He told me I had ‘great potential’ during my interview. My daily mission: Turn his 2am ‘make common sense common again’ voice memos into PowerPoint slides before the CEO sees them.Current KPI: 55k followers and rising. Please pray for my adj. Thx

The corner office opened up last week Two windows Actual view A door that closes After the raise I measured it Not officially Just with my eyes Every time I walked by This morning there was a box outside it Regulation size Some assembly required Boss man said The Kid asked about ping pong on day one Said that is how you recruit the class of 2030 Said culture is an investment I asked about my office He said you have a desk He said the desk has been working He is not wrong The table went up by noon The Kid got six games in He did not finish the Q4 forecast He shipped out to Gramps after lunch For the week Gramps does not have a ping pong table Boss man challenged me at four I am better than Boss man Boss man won Twenty one to nineteen My job is to make Boss man look good That includes the view Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

Sunday after church we went costume shopping Boss man Aunt B and the kids The Halloween store is in the old mattress store Shows up in September Gone by November Boss man asked who signs a ten week lease I said the only tenant in the plaza that pays on time Aunt B set the rules in the parking lot One costume each Forty dollar cap No deck Boss man asked if the cap was per costume or per household She did not answer The daughter picked hers in four seconds Butterfly $24.99 No follow up questions Junior wanted the astronaut $59.99 Aunt B said cap Junior asked to see his sister’s receipt Then asked if unused budget rolls over That answered Boss man’s question from the parking lot He covered the rest with his new allowance Still pocketed five bucks Boss man did not buy a costume He handed me a bag from the car Quarter zip Cargo shorts A sticky note that says Plz fix I am going as him Cost: zero Already in inventory Junior wore the full suit to the car Helmet on Tag still hanging He said it was the best costume in the store Aunt B said it was not in the budget He said it was in his sister’s Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

The Kid and Gramps have the desk First group off Dew still on the fairways Coffee still too hot to drink Boss man wrote three names on a scorecard last week Dale was first Dale started a commercial HVAC company with one van in 1994 Forty-one trucks now Never takes a mulligan Says it is bad for character Boss man has been trying to buy him for two years Dale brought a guest Early forties Yardage book in his back pocket Read every one of Dale’s putts Boss man leaned over and said He has an analyst too On 11 I asked him how long he had been with the company He said since he was nine Riding in the van on Saturdays Holding the flashlight for his dad He was not the analyst He was J.R. Dale’s son Boss man did not talk shop the rest of the way On 17 Dale asked J.R. what he thought J.R. said his boy turns nine in May Already asked for his own flashlight Dale did not say anything Hit the best drive of his day On 18 Boss man had twelve feet for par He did not ask me He asked J.R. Left edge It went in We lost the Nassau Venmo requested by J.R. Memo said flashlight Boss man was quiet to the lot Folded the card back in his pocket Said good for them Some companies are for sale Some are already spoken for The model does not have a cell for that Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

The table starts with an argument East cooks the whole hog Vinegar and pepper Nothing red allowed Lexington cooks the shoulder Ketchup in the dip Red slaw on the side Both sides have been right for a hundred years Hushpuppies hit the table before you order Livermush fried for breakfast More sweet potatoes than any other state Mt Olive pickles Texas Pete Named for Texas Made in Winston-Salem Cheerwine out of Salisbury Pepsi started in a New Bern drugstore Krispy Kreme with the light on Kill Devil Hills December 17 1903 Twelve seconds One hundred twenty feet Two brothers from Dayton picked it for the wind Ohio claims the brothers North Carolina put it on the license plate The ocean came for the Hatteras lighthouse In 1999 they moved it Twenty nine hundred feet inland On rails Roanoke 1587 Virginia Dare was born there Then the whole colony was gone Still an open item Mount Mitchell Highest point east of the Mississippi The Blue Ridge Parkway Biltmore Two hundred fifty rooms Pinehurst No 2 The Research Triangle Next week Rhode Island Thirteenth The last one in Two votes to spare Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

Every closing has one party that does not sign They do not say no They send back a markup And wait to see who blinks North Carolina sent the markup Hillsborough July 1788 Ten states already in Willie Jones ran the room He wanted the vote on day one He got two weeks of debate Iredell and Davie argued for it the whole time Then the count One hundred eighty four to eighty four Not a no Not a yes Bring a bill of rights first Then we talk Washington was elected without them Sworn in without them Ships out of Wilmington paid the foreign rate Five times what a Boston ship paid Congress blinked first Pushed the rate back to January That fall Madison’s amendments went out to the states The markup came back accepted Fayetteville November 1789 Same question Different answer One hundred ninety four to seventy seven The legislature was meeting down the street Chartered a university Handed its western land to the federal government The land became Tennessee Gramps lives on the land Part of it had already tried to leave once Called itself Franklin Asked Congress to be the fourteenth state Seven yes votes It needed nine Franklin was never voted down It was tabled Most states signed and asked for changes North Carolina asked for the changes Then signed State 12 of the Union Review North Carolina The Tar Heel State Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

The Kid asked for a retake Said Monday was not representative This morning he showed up on a hoverboard The kind with the lights in the wheels Christmas 2015 Said it was his brother’s Reception desk I started the Timex He did not stop for snacks He did not stop for anything Three point one seconds Boss man walks it in four Nobody has ever beaten four He also did not stop at the door Conference Room B is glass There is a crack through the B now Boss man wrote down three point one Karen wrote down fire hazard Those boards were recalled for catching fire She had it printed before he got up I wrote down a contractor He comes Monday The Kid is fine The board is fine Until Monday we meet in Conference Room A A is farther He has already asked about a retake Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

What Makes America Exhibit 14 The welcome casserole Somebody new shows up Nobody calls a meeting By Thursday there is a dish on the counter Foil on top Masking tape on the bottom with a last name in Sharpie That tape is the whole system You eat what is inside You wash the dish You bring it back with something else in it Now you know each other Year two I got the flu Four days on the couch Day two there was a knock Aunt B Chicken noodle in her good pot Still warm Casserole is for new Soup is for sick She did not come in Said heat it low and call if you need anything I did not call I ate it for three days Then I washed the pot And kept it on my stove for two weeks Returning it felt like closing the file Brought it back full of chili Nobody told me that part I just knew Other countries send a card America sends a dish you have to return Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

Day two First assignment was the Q4 forecast Boss man assigned it I am supposed to review it The Kid turned it in before my first iced coffee October up November up December up more I asked where the October actuals were He said October is not over I asked what the forecast was based on He said confidence Boss man read it twice Said this kid sees the whole field I have been here three years I have never turned in a forecast without actuals Boss man never asked me to Apparently that was an option Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

The Kid started today Ten o’clock He read all two hundred twelve pages last night The test was not in the handbook Reception desk to Conference Room B Forty two feet Under seven seconds is the standard I had the Timex He stopped to text his mom He stopped to ask where the snacks were He stopped to ask if we have a ping pong table We do not Twenty two seconds I showed him the Timex He said that is my current time My projected time is four Boss man was standing next to me Said bullish Wrote down the four Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

Boss man hired a kid off his resume Friday Class of 2030 Expected GPA 4.0 Has not taken a test yet Starts tomorrow Today he texted Boss man eleven times Asking what he could work on It is Sunday Boss man told him he reports to me now I replied copy Then I sent him the employee handbook Two hundred twelve pages Told him day one starts with a test Did not tell him which one He asked if he could submit an expected score I said no He has been reading since five Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

Sunday brunch at the Brooks house Aunt B’s vacation deck was ready Twelve slides She asked for three Junior asked if he could present He is six He has seen enough of them Boss man said this is a family meeting not a pitch Aunt B said that is what he says at the office too Slide one Destination Aunt B picked it Boss man asked about the budget Slide one did not have a budget That was on purpose Slide two Dates Junior read them off the page Then added and nobody brings a laptop That was not on the slide It is now The next slide was not in my deck Junior added it last night In crayon Allowance Current five dollars Proposed ten Justification The raise Crayola Name brand Boss man noticed Said nothing Boss man asked how he knew about the raise Junior said everybody knows Aunt B looked at the ceiling Boss man said he needs forty eight hours to review Aunt B said she has been waiting since the honeymoon Junior asked if that was longer than forty eight hours Nobody answered him Allowance approved on the spot Vacation still in review One slide Drafted last night Approved by brunch Fastest turnaround in firm history Six years old No laptop Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

Saturday 7:12am Text from Boss man Be there in 20 Golf attire Bring the sticks That was the whole text No explanation Boss man does not explain on weekends either I was ready in 11 Quarter zip Left the cargos in the closet They have not been invited here yet He drove past the usual course Kept going Through a gate I had only seen from the road No sign The kind of club that does not need one The man at the bag drop knew his name Good morning Mr Brooks And who is your guest this morning Thank you Ed This is my analyst On the first tee he handed me an envelope Junior membership Already paid I asked which line item it fell under He said the one you did not read Then he said We both know most of the deals get done on the back nine Might as well simplify the process for you The process used to be me on his bag Or building decks in my car at the turn Hotspot off my phone Two bars Front nine he did not mention work once On the 3rd he gave me a slip and slide update Put away for the season Not depreciated yet He is waiting to see how it holds up in storage On the 5th tee he mentioned Rolex Ron Just once Ron has been on the waitlist here for three years Longer than the watch Then he hit his best drive of the day At the turn the woman at the halfway house said my pleasure He looked at me I shook my head Different franchise Does not count toward the record On the 10th tee he pulled the little pencil off the cart Wrote three names on the back of the scorecard Handed it to me Front nine was the benefit Back nine is the job Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

Boss man texted at 10:52 Lunch today / We celebrate He picked The Capital Grille and the table and twelve fifteen to beat the rush He ordered the ribeye medium rare with creamed spinach and an old fashioned Because it was a celebration I ordered the burger and an iced tea Because it’s Friday He raised his glass to the raise Told the waiter I was his analyst The waiter asked if I was in the will Boss man said not yet The check came to $148 He tipped thirty percent without looking Signed it with the good pen Called it a good day for the firm I had one foot in the car when my phone buzzed Venmo request from Boss man $96.20 Celebration lunch 50/50 you can afford it now I went back to his text He never said my treat He never said on me He said we At this firm we is not a pronoun It is a payment term My burger and tea came to $37.70 with tip His side came to $154.70 The old fashioned alone was $21 I did not send the slide The last man he requested from a parking lot was Rolex Ron Four of the five glasses of a $340 bottle Ron paid at 11:52 with lol I paid in eleven seconds Memo Thx Somebody at this firm has to include it The pay went up So did my share of the old fashioned Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

Review was at nine I was there at eight Five nights on the deck Four scenarios Prepared by blank Boss man walked in with one sheet of paper Face down The deck stayed in the folder He did not open it He opened with a question Would you rather be captain of a losing team Or a regular member of a winning team I said regular member Winning team He said good The captain position is filled Then he told me the review was done Had been for weeks Every box Exceeds The couch has a permanent indentation Zero PTO Zero sick days Everything filed before sunrise Then he flipped the sheet over Already signed He said Citi moves their third years to associate Thirty percent I am giving you forty You remain my analyst Five nights building the case He closed it before I sat down Back at my desk at 9:14 A text from Boss man Deck was good Prepared by is still blank Plz fix. Thx. Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

Stuck at a crossing on the way in Gates down and bells going Nobody in the line said a word Everybody just started counting By forty you know it’s a long one By a hundred you know it’s the same car Same shape and same load Coal out of one mine headed to one plant Nothing gets added and nothing gets dropped They call it a unit train One job between two places It runs until the mine runs out or the plant does Most countries built their railroads to move people America built ours to move the stuff The freight came first so the freight kept the track The passenger train is the guest It rides on rails the freight owns And takes the siding when this comes through The railroad didn’t just cross the country It set the clocks In 1883 the railroads drew four time zones on their own Congress caught up thirty five years later Every town set its watch by the train I set mine by the cars The gates went up Somebody honked Nobody ever knows why I got a hundred and twenty two Walked in eleven minutes late Boss man asked what happened I said America Exhibit 15 The unit train Continuing observation Sent from my Mac

Forwarded this to Boss man 
He replied in four seconds 
A bubble is just liquidity with a personality 
Then asked if I could get him in before it pops 
I said nobody can time that 
He said that's what I pay you for 
Review is Thursday 
Continuing analysis 
Sent from my Mac

Citi just cut analyst to associate from three years to two 
To stop their analysts from leaving for private equity I am in private equity 
Year three 
Still analyst Their third years get promoted January 1 
Subject to performance The performance is on slide 7 
The deck went over this morning 
Prepared by is still blank 
That part is his Review is Thursday 
Continuing analysis 
Sent from my Mac

Sunday Church with Boss man and the family Same pew as always Third from the back Boss man says it is the best exit position in the building I said one prayer For Thursday Kept it short He has a lot on His desk too Aunt B had the waffle iron plugged in before her coat was off Belgian Deep pockets for the syrup Boss man called it good capital allocation Junior had the deck open on the counter Read every slide Syrup on slide six Three notes Slide two needs a source Slide nine is the raise He asked if it was nominal or real And who prepared it I said that line is blank on purpose He looked at me for a long time Then wrote his own name in it In pencil Store brand Deck goes to Boss man tomorrow A day early Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

Some days I want Boss man’s seat The corner office The town car The wife who says it’s PSL Day and means it Then there are nights like last night Harry Styles with Aunt B Night 17 of 30 8:10pm Plz fix And send help Then he asked the whole building to turn the music down It did not I have the desk this weekend And the dogs And a deck due Tuesday Which means Monday Biff has the couch Zoey had the door Now she is on the couch next to Biff I have slide 9 Nobody has asked anybody to turn anything down He could not hear himself think I can hear the dogs breathing Most weeks I would trade places with him Nights like last night remind me I am right where I am supposed to be Continuing analysis Sent from my Mac

The table is not one table The city eats standing up Upstate sits down Coffee from the cart in the blue paper cup A slice folded in half on the sidewalk A bagel that should not be toasted Pastrami on rye An egg cream with no egg and no cream A black and white cookie Cheesecake with nothing on top Then go west Wings out of a Buffalo bar in 1964 Beef on weck A garbage plate in Rochester Salt potatoes from the Syracuse salt works Riggies in Utica Every one of them a town that decided this was its dish Then the ditch Clinton’s nephew DeWitt got it dug Albany to Buffalo Three hundred sixty three miles Opened 1825 Shipping costs dropped about ninety percent Everything west came through the harbor Washington called New York the Seat of Empire The canal made it true The uncle fought the Constitution The nephew dug the reason it paid Twenty four brokers under a buttonwood tree in 1792 Same street as the statue The Brooklyn Bridge in 1883 When Washington Roebling got sick Emily Roebling helped supervise the work A statue from France in the harbor in 1886 The subway in 1904 Niagara sending power to Buffalo before most towns had a bulb New York said yes by three votes Then built like it had won by three hundred State 12 is North Carolina They would not say yes the first time Continuing observation Sent from my Mac