THE MASSAGE BAR

1. Again, the easiest thing to know in this life is when someone is genuinely interested in you. They’ll never make you second-guess that. 2. They’ll be very considerate of your feelings. Before they do anything, they first of all think about how their actions are going to make you feel. Consideration is the highest form of love. 3. They’ll always make sure you are fed. They’ll buy you food, order food for you, cook for you, send you food, take you out to eat, etc. No one who likes you will watch you stay hungry. To love is to feed and to be fed. 4. They’ll always want to have uncomfortable conversations with you. This is because they like you, rate you enough, and want you to be part of their life. If they don’t rate you, they’ll just cut you off instead of having difficult conversations. 5. They’ll buy you things. There’s no genuine desire without giving. Anyone who is not giving to you and is only taking from you doesn’t like you one bit. They are using you. 6. They won’t let you spend money unnecessarily around them. This is because they care about your finances. If you always have to spend money EVERY time you link up with a person, they don’t like you. 7. You feel at peace when you are with them. Home is really a person. When you are with someone who likes you, they become a safe space, and just existing in the same space as them is comforting. 8. They yap a lot with you. This is especially true of women. Women are yappers when they like you. They yap about the most basic things to you, from what happens in their office to the gym, school, family, friends, you name it. All you have to do is listen. 9. Conversations with them don’t feel forced. They keep asking questions about every area of your life out of curiosity. Anyone who is not curious about you doesn’t like you one bit. 10. They’ll always want to sleep with you. When a person finds you attractive, they always flirt with you, and they always want to have sex with you. This is why you think they are easy. They are not; they only make it easy for you because they like you. 11. They get jealous when you mention or talk to someone else. They want to be exclusive with you. 12. They are always finding ways to make your life easier. Anyone who is not doing things to make your life easier than it was before they met you doesn’t like you. 13. You won’t have to force ball because, like I said earlier, they’ll make everything super easy for you. You don’t have to spend so much money on dates to impress them, you don’t need to use any “format” or games to have sex with them, etc. In fact, they’ll initiate it. 14. They’ll begin to frown at your vices and bad habits, especially those you exhibit around them. Anybody who doesn’t frown at your bad habits and vices doesn’t care about you. They are just there for a good time, not a long time. 15. They always want to spend quality time with you and be in your skin. Every opportunity to see you, they take it. “Baby, are you at home?” “Babe, you don’t miss me?” “You haven’t seen me this week, do you hate me?” “Let’s grab lunch today?” Even if they are too busy, they’ll make time for you.

1. Contrary to what you think or what they told you, millions dey finish. If you make a few million, let’s say five, and you start living as if you have arrived, give it time, you’ll become an old taker. Ask around. 2. Invest in quality wears and scents. Buy a pair of loafers, different colours of free pants, heels, jackets, leather slides, jumpsuits, quality perfumes, etc. 3. Build a savings structure. Until you are able to save consistently, you have not started progressing financially. Use Renmoney or any reputable fintech for this. Even if you can only save ₦10–15k monthly, that’s very decent. On the bright side, they offer 22% interest per annum. 4. If you must date, stick with only one partner who likes you back as much as you like them. There’s no gain in womanising or promiscuity. It will drain your finances. 5. Go for check-ups regularly. Don’t wait until you break down before you take care of your health. One health emergency can take you back to zero. More often than not, it is avoidable if you do routine check-ups. 6. Do not tell anyone the exact amount you make, especially if you are from a poor family. Help them when you can, but revealing the exact figures you make is the easiest way to be pocket-watched, and it breeds entitlement. Don’t underestimate the adverse effect of black tax. 7. Do not make clubbing your lifestyle. Go once in a while if you want, but it shouldn’t be regular. That is one of the places where you can easily make financial mistakes. 8. When you make your first big bag, a car should not be the first thing on your mind. Put that money in mutual funds or, like I said, in fintechs like Renmoney. After a year, you can comfortably afford that car or that big purchase. 9. Start attending seminars, webinars, good gyms, career events, etc. This is how you expand your network without licking àss. 10. If you listen to every touching story, your story will be the next touching one and nobody will pity you. Stay solid with your money.

1. Do not rent a house close to a church, mosque, or school. You’ll regret it if you do. 2. The first red flag when you are house hunting is if the landlord/landlady lives in the compound. Abort mission. 3. The best time to house hunt is during the rainy season. It helps you avoid places that are prone to flooding and erosion. 4. The kind of people who live in the compound, street, or estate is very important. It is best to live among married or family people. This will save you from trouble. I’ll not explain further. 5. Check for proximity to a standard gym, supermarket, pharmacy, filling station, hospital/clinic, and police station. 6. Any house that is asking for two years’ rent upwards is a red flag. They’ll most likely serve you a quit notice after those two years so they can rent it out to someone who will pay two years’ rent and pay all the caution fees you paid. 7. Check how frequently they bring light in that area. Don’t ask the house agent or tenants. Ask those shop owners and children on that street. They’ll tell you the truth. 8. Always ask and check if the last occupant of the house is owing light bills. If you don’t, you’ll end up paying for light that you didn’t use. 9. Check for network. Do not rent a house where you have to go to your kitchen before you can have access to good network. 10. Take your time. If it is going to take you six months to find a house of your taste and budget, then wait and keep searching. Never pay for a house in a haste or out of desperation. 11. If it is not a new house, do your findings to know why the last tenant of the apartment you want to rent packed out. 12. Ask about their policies. Do they allow generators? Do they lock the gate too early? Do they rent out apartments to people with questionable characters, occupations, etc.? These are red flags that may land you in trouble if you ignore them.