I am so excited to report that the poll results are in. We had a very large sample size that is entirely representative of the American people. A resounding number of people came forth & determined that Joe Biden is the best president ever. I can’t wait for the blue wave in 2024!

It is quite heartwarming to see a beautiful, healthy liberal family enjoying active leisure time at the park.

Just a normal Sunday vaccinating the world and fighting for equity. 🏳️‍🌈💉🏳️‍⚧️

I am pleased to be spending my Saturday at the gender affirmation clinic recruiting for the high school girl’s track team.

Everyone hates tariffs, but reparations are entirely acceptable. #doyourpart

This is a disgrace. How could her parents not put her on testosterone and puberty blockers at an early age? We deserve answers. CPS should be notified so this child can get the medically necessary care she deserves.

My unvaccinated MAGA hat wearing next door neighbor has been appointed Secretary of Calligraphy and Defense by @POTUS. His main qualifications include grilling meat on a gas grill and drinking 12 cans of Busch Light in 12 minutes. I saw him leaving for work in his business wife beater and presidential socks with crocs. Frankly, I am terrified!

I would like to report a crime. @JohnWalravenGA blew up my DMs and took me on a two week long whirlwind romantic yacht vacation that he is now denying ever happened. Before leaving, I almost hired a babysitter for my children living in the basement but responsibly decided against it due to the COVID exposure risk. I want to sue him for my hypothetical childcare costs, pain, suffering, use of my body and lost wages due to my month long voluntary post vacation quarantine. Does anyone have any attorney recommendations? I have photographic evidence and an airtight case.

After a year long quarantine, I deem my COVID exposed cellular device safe. I am back, bitches! ☠️

I am hopeful that my unvaccinated MAGA next door neighbor will finally perish in my red state wearing only shorts with crocs and socks.

College towns are the coolest, safest and most inclusive places in the world.

The two most deadly weapons one can possess are a penis and a cough.

Why is it that I have to jump through multiple hoops, including showing various forms of identification and verification just to change my address at the post office, but yet anyone and their dog can just walk in off the street and vote? 🤔

The only thing worse than yelling “Bomb!” in an airport is “I have COVID”. 💣😷

Now that monogamy and marriage is so 20th century…💍❌

Instead of Capture the Flag, we are playing Capture the Mask. It is the only practical use I can think of for them. 😷

Are they really calling the new COVID variant FLiRT? They are just mocking us at this point.💋

Good Morning to everyone except for those who only use one seat on an airplane and can walk through regular sized doors! Your overt fat shaming is disgraceful, especially if you also happen to be straight, during this month of pride.

I was talking to a student the other day who told me that he has been tested for COVID 27 times and said that whenever he gets even the slightest bit of a stuffy nose, his parents test him. 🤧 Now that is a model for parenting we should all strive to. #CovidIsNotOver

Do you have sex in a mask?

If you do not commit to purchasing only items made from LGBTQIAinfinity+ companies this Pride Month, you are most certainly homophobic.