For so long I didn’t understand why women were so obsessed with vampire male characters in movies and TV shows. Twilight, True Blood, Vampire Diaries, etc and now I realized they’re the only guys who would be excited about a girl being on her period
Set a one hour time limit for daily social media use, and then spend the other 23 hours texting friends to see what’s happening on social media
The most important Usher at the SuperBowl this year is whichever one escorts Taylor Swift to her seat
The security guards at Macys don’t even look like they’re in good enough shape to get away with shoplifting themselves
Not only is Taylor Swift one of the first women to be a billionaire, but she’s also one of the first women to admit that she’s the problem, it’s her
Starting to see results at the gym. Been going to Equinox for a couple months and people are already complimenting me on my sense of humor
If you don’t think Jews control the media and the weather, the second the writers strike ended in NYC, the weather got too bad to do anything but stay home and write
I think Rosh Hashana is 2 nights because Jewish Moms can’t fit all their criticism of their children into one evening
We don’t know if God is a woman but the algorithm definitely is because I can never figure out what it wants
The big difference between comedians and flights is when comedians get canceled they can still take off
Writers: I won’t write until the strike is over!
Michael Bay : new movie idea! air pollution in NYC kills everyone!