Rules to be a writer: 1. Suddenly and impulsively decide to do chores instead

I don’t have ADHD, I wanted to miss my buss because I was scrubbing inside the trash can. I planned it that way.

Was goddamn MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY in angels in the outfield??

What’s the nicest way to tell the man next to me if he slurps his soup loud enough for me to hear it one more time I’m going to take him into the kitchen and drown him in a cauldron of it

Bookish confessions! Hi my name is Alex and I confuse tension and venison when reading because I’m an idiot

There are teeth???? In my jacket pocket???

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there is a 🚨distinct nip in the air ‼️

Secret grown up tests no one warned me about part 1: when multiple people are in the to: line in an email, who responds first?

If your flight leaves before the airport McDonald’s opens for business, you (and me) should probably re think some life tenets

I wish I was half man half shark because sharks don’t have to pay taxes

Shout out to this draft WIP that after THREE YEARS decided to tell me what it needed to fix the third act while I was sitting drinking a cup of coffee. Dick.

The idea that someone would fail to qualify for a job in the year of our lord 2025 for marijuana usage is revolution-worthy

Editors don’t want you to know this one editing hack!!! -delete everything and set your computer on fire

I don’t remember, therefore it didn’t happen; a husband story

I promise you this, content-person. I swear it on my grave, on the future corpse-rot I will become. Come here. Get real close, so you can smell the ozone fury on my breath. I will NEVER! follow for part 2

Okay, now all together: If you want more weird, unusual, or quirky books, you have to BUY more weird, unusual, or quirky books

Excuse me, you seem to have mistaken my passion as a willingness to do something cheaply

You know those ‘oh my gawwwwd look at this [small animal] we just found on the side of the road’ videos? I wonder how many of those are stealing other people’s pets

I’m convinced that people who wear coats without putting their arms through the sleeves are irreconcilable d-bags

You’ll know my books are human-made because AI couldn’t fuck up spelling unecessary that badly 💅

On the bus this early in the morning drivers will typically put their internal lights on half power out of respect for the early morning darkness. But like what’s the best way to tell the driver I’m not sleepy and I’d like to read my weird book now please