Drunk Quotes

Bringing in a flask of whiskey for show and tell in kindergarten

If the person you're looking at isn't any more attractive by the 6th shot, its time to move on

Do you want to have fun with the most beautiful women in NYC? Call New York VIP Escorts > bit.ly/19S2zL2 - sp

I'm not a boxer, but I can do 10 rounds, 10 rounds of Jose Cuervo

If you thought my drunk texts were good, you should see my drunk snapchats

Telling the cop your name is Mclovin when you get caught with a fake ID

Excuse me but can I be of assistance? I speak fluent drunk.

How I sound after: 1 tequila, 2 tequilas, 3 tequiklas, 4 teuiqlas, 5 teuiqlsd, 6 teiqulkss, 7 eteiqlas, 8 treqiklas, 9 trwqiukas, 10 trewquw

Taking a shot for every lie in Health class about alcohol.

Writing a paper about the negative effects of alcohol while under the influence of a fair amount of alcohol.

The elaborate, already prepared speech to the bouncer as to why you changed home states over the weekend.

Hiding vodka in a water bottle worked until my parents took a sip

Soup of the day: yumm

That awkward moment when you offer a drink to someone you know doesn't drink

"Jesus had the wheel" will not get you out of a DUI, apparently

I don't always drink but when I do I usually end up face down passed out in a ditch.

You're not drinking alone if your pour two glasses...

I know alcohol probably won't fix my problems..But it's worth a shot.