Drew Gravity

For those of you with both depression and anxiety please stop talking about it, you're making those of us who only have one feel left out.

I will be here!

Come see a great show for a great cause

Question for @TTChelps Why hasn't the stop for the 506 WB at Upper Gerrard Street East been moved back to the transit shelter?

My family didn't invent gravity, we only own the patent. Everytime you drop something you owe us a nickel.

The origin of Guy Fawkes Day People: let's get drunk and burn shit!

Gonna be at The Corner Comedy Club tonight for the two year anniversary. Come on down and have a laugh.

"Hi I'm Satan!" -first draft of Sympathy for the Devil

Really looking forward to the new Star Trek show, Star Trek: Moral Quandaries & Exploding Consoles!

No one cares about that thing you didn't do that one time.

My insomnia: Wake up it's quarter to five in the AM. Me: But I don't have to be up for a couple hours?! MI: HaHa we're doing it anyway!

Aide: Who do you want for your cabinet? Trump: Opposites! A: ? T: Whatever the job is I want people who are the opposite, like in business.

I think Trump is Mr Mxyzptlk so all we have to do is get him to say his name backwards twice and we're set.

Me: I want to sleep My insomnia: But what about not sleeping? Me: No I want to sleep. M I: We're gonna do my thing.

I don't know what's better, cheddar cheese or electricity?

@bradTTC would it be possible to train subway conductors on the basics of public speaking? Because their PA skills are non-existent.

@realDonaldTrump who did you root for in the original Red Dawn?

Do you think Trump cheered for Ivan Drago in Rocky IV?

You know when your roommate says "we need more dish soap." and you say "I don't have a roommate!?"

The alt right is like alt comedy, not funny and way too political.