Wow I’m really living in a body rn on a rock going thru space really fast

The way I'm HOUSING these strawberry cream savers rn

This person on the plane next to me smells like straight up dog surgery

I ate a bunch of lobster mac n cheese and now I'm being attacked in the bathroom by Neptune's curse inside a KBBQ restaurant

We shouldn't have this much power. Either give me WAY MORE or WAY less

When u wanna fight fire with fire it's important to remember that the firefighters almost always use water

Hey sorry I missed your text I am processing a nonstop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave

Looking to start a feud with Cilian Murphy for zero reason does anyone have leads on this.

Looking to start a public feud with Taylor Swift cause we dropped an album the same day #TaylorSwift open.spotify.com/album/47wTG…

I'm gonna work at Trader Joe's so I can flirt with the customers for my job

Trump is dead and they're replacing him with the body double of Jimmy Fallon #trumpsdead

GOOGLE ME!!!!!!! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolo_T…

i think someone burned “Live Your Life” onto a bootleg Shaun of the Dead DVD and left it looping on a Tesco TV, because I just charted in the UK. straight to DVD, just like I always dreamed. @officialcharts officialcharts.com/artist/do…

I should do another Roblox concert..... 😉#roblox

Takin one of those shits where u have to take all ur clothes off in the bathroom and listen to The Anthem by Good Charlotte

Hovering above the industrial proletariat

I have the heart of a lion.. and a lifetime ban from the LA zoo