
@DetWhai
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Retired Green Beret. Private investigator, entrepreneur and author
Atlanta Ga
Joined September 2022
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Coming Winter 2026...
WHAT LIES BENEATH WHITE CREEK
- A heroine struggling with the trauma of an abusive relationship
- A hero dealing with survivors guilt from his time at war
- An Antebellum southern mansion with hidden passages and dark secrets
- A southern gothic mystery dealing with serial murder, kidnapping and corrupt officials
- Realistic action scenes written by a Special Operations combat veteran
Elaine Hollis hoped buying White Creek House would be start of a new life. She believed restoring the old southern mansion would be a way repairing her shattered soul following her horrific divorce. She even found hope in her sudden attraction to Matt Grady, a scarred Army Veteran turned mechanic, whose quiet strength was such a contrast to her ex-husband's cruelty
But White Creek House hides a dark history that reaches back to the days of the Underground Railroad. There are people who will stop at nothing to ensure Elaine doesn't discover those secrets. Meanwhile, Carson Atwood, Elaine's manipulative, FBI Agent ex-husband, is looming over everything, pulling strings for his own dark purposes.
Elaine and Matt must now reach deep within themselves and face their pasts if they are to have any hope for their future.....
Apparently Scott Greer - and numerous other conservative "influencers," "podcasters" and other assorted fauna - need this explained to them: fanfiction is the garden in which potential writers first cultivate their talents.
Fiction writing is an incredibly difficult art to master; which is why the average age of debut novelists is 35, and the average age of an author releasing their first best-seller is around 50. It requires intellect, life experience, well-honed technical mastery, and the ability to hold an entire world in one's head, complete with a full cast of imaginary friends that have lengthy conversations with one another. Jumping feet-first into the deep end is effectively impossible; which is why the vast majority of writers start with fan-fiction - even many "original" works are just filing the serial numbers off something else and leaning heavily on genre conventions. It allows the nascent writer to develop their skills in an otherwise stable framework; affords them an opportunity to crawl before they walk.
The "Malfoid" phenomena stands out because Harry Potter is the first long piece of fiction (seven books!) that an entire generation read in young adulthood, and perhaps the last work of fiction that achieved nigh-universal readership among an entire generational cohort. For that same cohort, having a story written (or re-written) *for them* is like tasting chocolate for the first time in thirty years, given the publishing industry has been, like so many other institutions, completely captured by the DEI left and has relentlessly purged white male authors from its ranks; leaving what few remain struggling to rise above the churning ocean of half-assed trash that chokes Amazon self-pub.
That you and so many other "conservative influencers" knee-jerk response is to sneer at this development reveals a thunderous and damning ignorance on your part of something the left understands innately - the power of narratives. As @Devon_Eriksen_ has explained before, narratives are fundamental to how we mentally model the world. Motives and desires, emotions and reactions, even basic physical cause-and-effect requires a narrative; even if it's as simple as "if I push on this door hard enough, I can open it, and get at the grain that's in the tack room." My goats have figured out that much; which is why they break into the tack room daily even if they can't see the grain, or even the bag that usually has grain in it through the wire mesh.
Because of this, narratives are incredibly powerful influences on our thinking - and this is precisely why the left wing is utterly obsessed with controlling every narrative they can get their hands on. It's why they go well out of their way to hunt down anyone in the arts with even the slightest conservative thought and drive them out by any means necessary. Its why they take pains to fill elementary school libraries with sordid books explaining masturbation techniques - they understand that narratives are how children learn almost everything they know of the world; and why so much of their attempts at "serious" art are about as sophisticated as aesop's fables for left-wing values: they absolutely view it as a tool for controlling minds. If you doubt the deliberate intent behold the majority of what they produce, look no further than the coercion California's state government applied to video game giant Blizzard and the results thereof - video games are the one major media form leftists don't have a total stranglehold on, and they're trying to change that.
And *why* do leftists have total control of film *and* the publishing industry? In large part thanks to people like you. People who see the first licks of flame among folks who might not have read any fiction in years, drawn in by fond familiarity and a re-write promising a *very* conservative kind of tale; of the power of herteronormative love and good overcoming evil - and promptly unzip and piss all over it. People who can't tell the difference between the synopsis I just gave and 200 pages of lesbian romance featuring a Donut Steele self-insert mary sue. People who can watch normies, desperate for a good story that isn't more DEI wankfest slop, organically pursuing something similar to what leftists do via cold calculation when they infest a previously-great franchise, gut it, and wear it like a skinsuit, but can't appreciate the downstream political implications of that. People who can't grasp that the average normie doesn't want to read your 187 IQ political essay, but just want some honest-to-god entertainment. People who actually think "This is John Gault speaking" is the best part of Atlas Shrugged and wish the rest of the story hadn't been wrapped around it.
I suspect people like you are not ensouled. You have no sense of wonder; no imagination, no ability to lose yourself in a great story. You never stayed up as a child reading under the covers with a flashlight well after your bedtime; transported by the tale. And so you cannot recognize that quality when you see it; can neither understand how "kiddie stuff" can contain it, nor recognize true art in its larval form. And indeed, this would dovetail well with how podcasters and influencers act in general; not true believers in anything they say, but grifters, who've figured out that the stupid screaming rubes want their biases confirmed and all you need to do is push the button to make more money come out of the 'chute; viz. Tucker Carlson.
And above all, what you can't understand is that good art is, by and large, conservative. Because conservatives write stories, not aesops; they concern themselves with human characters and thus care about the truth of humans' character, rather than treating truth as a blank slate that can be filled with any arbitrary lie desired, and wiped clean and re-written on the spot as desired. People like you seem to think that "conservative" art is a character stopping, turning to the camera, and saying "women's rights," except maybe it's "gun control bad."
This borderline-sociopathic lack of empathy leaves you unable to grasp fiction at its most basic level; you might think the classics are important because something something conservative values something something basis of western civilization, or because that one dude sounded real convincing playing a mafioso, but nothing more. And so you sneer out the side of your mouth at creators; confident that you're the Big Serious Adult having Big Thinky Thonks on your podcast, while the youth that will be voting in three years are glued to whatever they can find on Netflix and having that beamed straight into their cerebellums.
Art is a vehicle for thought, and most art is not War and Peace by dint of the basics of supply and demand - it takes a year to write a *good* novel and a day to read it. But because it's not Serious enough for you, you cede that ground to the collectivists, willingly, and merrily piss on anyone inspired to change that.
Stay in your lane, Scott.
Kevin Whalen retweeted
Actual adults vote for Republicans. That statement may anger you, but I’ll say it again; those with a level of discernment beyond that of a child vote for Republicans.
I don’t do a massive amount of politics on here, or truthfully, in real life. I have no love for politicians, they are merely a necessary evil. Why the statement?
Actual adults understand a few things…
The current Democratic Party refuses to accept the science of biology, stymy the flow of illegal aliens, identity voters through ID, recognize your Right to firearms (as outlined in the 2nd Amendment), and reject the ideas of Karl Marx as incongruent with the Constitution. They play games on the State level to block those who seek to reveal corruption and fraud. They literally named a law after Nick Shirley to prevent others like him from revealing massive scams in their State like he did in Minnesota. These are not the actions of rational adults, but rather emotional, power-hungry children who seek to upend our Nation as long as they personally benefit.
I am under no delusion that Republicans will deliver everything I want. They have been tepid at best the past two years. I’m also no Trump sycophantic. Many of his positions would have been considered middle-ground in the 1990’s Democratic Party. He and the Party he leads have managed to deliver a few victories in areas that matter. The southern border is the most secure that it’s been in my lifetime. The NFA is currently starving for oxygen. Some common sense has been applied to preventing men from parading as women to crush their athletic dreams and act as government endorsed voyeurs in bathrooms.
Trump is bombastic and publicly treats the Office of the Presidency as a celebrity position. Behind the scenes, it’s clearly different. I highly approve of some of the moves he’s made and shake my head in frustration at others.
Trump is not on the ballot this election. Who is? Local representatives and managers, many House Representatives and some Senators; for some of you Mayor or County Sheriff. These are the people whose decisions will truly impact your life regardless of what the man who is not up for reelection does.
Rational adults vote for the representation that doesn’t promise to steal what you have, give it to noncitizens, take away your right to self-defense, upend our founding documents, and allow the replacement of equal justice with Sharia law. The current Democratic Party endorses ideas that indoctrinate your children into ideas that prevent you from ever having grandchildren. They support that which will literally end your family line; they gain power and you lose your legacy. At this point in time, that rational option is by and large the Republican Party.
Will Republicans likely fail to live up to all of their campaign promises? Beyond a doubt. A mature adult knows that and yet understands the opposite choice is guaranteed destruction. Naïve children make choices on emotions, “the feels”, promises of free stuff and believing that politicians won’t disappoint them. Rational adults stoically weigh the options based on projected course and values.
The Iran war will not immediately end no matter which way you vote. Gas prices also don’t turn on a dime. No matter who you choose, inflation will not immediately disappear and Congress will spend money. I have my gripes, as do you. They are valid. National suicide is not the answer.
Until the Democrats produce another JFK like option, eschew their current values and platform, you must do your job as a rational adult and block them at the voting booth and in the public square. Anything less is puerile.
Kevin Whalen retweeted
Today I'm going to explain why socialism can never work, even if you're 8 years old.
Not with statistics. Not with the body count, even though it runs into the tens of millions. With a school playground and a bag of marbles.
By the end, you'll understand what Mises, Hayek and the whole Austrian School proved more than a hundred years ago, and what the Soviet Union then spent seventy years confirming.
Picture a schoolyard. Thirty kids. Marbles.
There are clay marbles, glass marbles, agates, big shooters, and a few cat's eyes that everybody fights over.
Nobody ever decided what a shooter is worth. And yet every kid knows: a shooter is worth about five glass marbles. An agate, three. A clay marble, almost nothing.
Who set those prices? Nobody. They appeared on their own, through trading. Every trade is a kid saying: "I want that thing more than what I've got in my hand." Thousands of little trades like that end up creating a "marble exchange rate" that everyone knows, even though nobody ever wrote it down anywhere.
And that rate is alive. A new kid shows up in September and he's crazy about agates? The price of agates goes up. The other kids notice, and that night they dig through their drawers at home to bring more in. Nobody asked them to. The price told them.
Keep that in mind. That's the whole story.
Now a new teacher arrives. She's kind. She means well. And she finds it deeply unfair that Kevin has 200 marbles while Lily has 3.
So she collects every marble in the playground and announces: "From now on, I manage the marbles. I'll distribute them fairly, for the good of everyone."
On paper, it's beautiful. Watch what happens.
First problem: she doesn't know who wants what.
Lily loves blue marbles. Tom doesn't care about marbles at all, he just wants to play soccer. Emma has collected cat's eyes since kindergarten. None of this is written down anywhere. It lives in the heads of thirty kids, and often the kids themselves only discover it at the moment someone offers them a trade.
So the teacher distributes "fairly." And everyone ends up with marbles they don't want.
Second problem: nobody knows what anything is worth anymore.
Before, the exchange rate would have told her that cat's eyes were rare and precious. Now that trading is banned, there is no rate. She's blind. How many agates should she order for next year? How many shooters? No idea. She guesses. She guesses wrong. Next year there are crates of clay marbles nobody wants and not a single cat's eye.
Third problem: nobody makes an effort anymore.
Why bring marbles from home if they end up in the big common bag? Why take care of them if they're not really yours? After a month, there are fewer marbles in the playground than on day one.
Fourth problem, the most important one: the kids start trading again. In secret. Behind the gym.
Because Lily still wants her blue marbles, and Tom would happily hand his over for half a cookie. Trading is natural. You can ban it, but you can't stop people from wanting things.
So the teacher has to choose. Either she lets it happen and her system collapses. Or she starts watching. She searches pockets. She hands out punishments. She appoints "monitors" whose job is to report anyone caught trading.
She hasn't turned evil. She simply has no choice anymore. The plan cannot survive without coercion.
And guess who ends up with the nicest marbles? Not Lily. Not Emma. The monitors. The kids who are close to the teacher.
That's it. You now understand socialism.
Now replace the playground with a country. The thirty kids with hundreds of millions of people. The marbles with millions of different products: steel, wheat, bolts, medicine, size 10 shoes. And the teacher with a planning bureau in Moscow.
That is exactly what the Soviet Union was. The bureau was called Gosplan.
What I just told you isn't a hunch. It's a handful of the strongest arguments in the history of economic thought.
Carl Menger, 1871, founder of the Austrian School: value isn't in the object. It's in the head of the person who wants it. A shooter has no "objective" value. It's worth whatever a kid is willing to give up to get it. Sounds obvious, but it undercuts the foundation of Marxism, which claims value comes from the amount of labor that went into something. Eugen von Böhm-Bawerk, another Austrian, took Marx apart on exactly this point back in 1896.
Ludwig von Mises, 1920: that's the second problem, calculation. In an essay called "Economic Calculation in the Socialist Commonwealth," he shows that if the state owns all the means of production, there's no market for factories, machines or raw materials. So no prices for them. So no way to know whether it's smarter to put that steel into railroads, tractors or bridges. Without prices, the planner isn't evil. He's blind. Mises wrote this just three years after the Russian Revolution.
Friedrich Hayek, 1945: that's the first problem, knowledge. In "The Use of Knowledge in Society," he explains that the information that runs an economy doesn't exist in any one place. It's scattered across millions of heads: the baker who knows his oven runs cold, the farmer who can feel the rain coming, the truck driver who knows the shortcut. No bureau can collect all of that.
His example is brilliant. A source of tin dries up somewhere in the world. The price of tin rises. And everywhere, millions of people start using less tin, without knowing why, without anyone explaining anything to them. The price carried the information to the entire planet. Hayek compares the price system to a telecommunications system. The price is the marble exchange rate.
Hayek again, 1944, "The Road to Serfdom": that's the fourth problem, coercion. A central plan requires the plans of millions of people to be subordinated to a single one. And since people don't go along willingly, they have to be forced. One chapter of the book is titled "Why the Worst Get on Top": in a system where power decides everything, the people who love power most end up winning. The playground monitors.
Which is exactly what Solzhenitsyn said: socialism cannot be implemented without the aid of coercion. It's not an accident along the way. It's mechanical. It's not that bad people took over a good system. It's that the system needs force to hold together.
The Soviets themselves joked about it. An old joke goes like this: a nail factory is given a quota in number of nails, so it produces millions of tiny, useless nails. Gosplan switches the quota to weight, and the factory produces a single one-ton nail. It's a joke, but it's also the calculation problem summed up in two sentences.
Now you're going to tell me: "Sure, but it's 2026. We have AI. A supercomputer can do the teacher's job."
That's the fashionable argument, and it misses the point entirely. The problem was never computing power. The problem is that the information doesn't exist before the trade. Lily herself didn't know how much she cared about blue marbles until someone offered to swap. Preferences change every day. People lie to the planner to get more. And above all, no algorithm can plan for what hasn't been invented yet. Gosplan would never have ordered the iPhone.
And no, Sweden and Denmark are not counterexamples. They're market economies, with private property, free prices and companies that go bankrupt, plus a big welfare state on top. You can debate the right level of taxes. But that's not the socialism Mises and Hayek were talking about: the state owning and planning production.
So, for the 8-year-old, here's the summary.
Nobody knows better than you what you want. Prices are how millions of people talk to each other without ever meeting. Get rid of prices and everyone goes deaf and blind. And when people refuse to follow the plan, there's only one option left: force them.
And for the 80-year-old grandpa who remembers the Berlin Wall, I don't even need to explain. He saw both sides.
Socialism doesn't fail because it was badly implemented. It fails because it asks one brain to do the work of millions of brains. And when it fails, all it has left is force.
Welcome to the military. Not only do such signs dictate our life, the lists are so long you need reading glasses to catch the fine print. If you ever wondered WHY things are the signs, there's a board outside of every company HQ plastered with these things called Safety Bulletins...
So at the F1 Singapore Grand Prix, the decision to pit Leclerc but not Hamilton baffled me. At the time, I wrote it off to the normal Ferrari "strategy" call (endlessly frustrating as a Ferrari fan). Now we find it was Hamilton's call - though there is some murkiness over if it was an active decision or a mistake.
I'm hoping it was a mistake. I can get Hamilton getting frustrated with what sometimes passes as "strategy" and wanting to take charge, but not pitting under VSC when you already have 20 laps on a set of softs is no-brainer
I remember watching Ghostbusters (1984) as a 10 yr old and just thinking it was just a zany adventure about guys blasting ghosts with proton packs. Then I watched it as ana adult and it's a completely different movie. It's a straight up horror movie that's played for laughs and the sexual innuendo is off the charts. Seriously, the subplots are basically out of a porn movie (professors lech'ing on coeds, ghost sex, a woman possessed by a seductive demon who bangs at the drop of a hat). I sat back and thought "Why did my parents EVER let me watch this?"
I still love it even if the proton packs are only in it for couple of minutes😆
Kevin Whalen retweeted
The public execution date for the Fort Hood shooter has revived claims that carrying it out will only create a recruiting tool, yet the record from earlier conflicts shows that clear, unavoidable costs more often shrink the pool of willing followers than expand it. The piece also looks at why those warnings come from the same quarters that once treated any discussion of jihadist patterns as irrational fear.
Six-minute read.
@CynicalPublius @infantrydort @JoeTalkShow @teamfroglogic @ThereWBBourbon
I don't have sympathy for those saying we need to raise taxes to "save" social. I accepted when I was a teen that I'd never see a dime of that money because I could do math. Someone was gonna have to eat the failure, and I always assumed it would be my generation (Gen X)
I’ve been shitting on Social Security for years now, and every single time, I’m told ad fucking nauseam:
“It’s MY money! I paid into it!”
Really? Then why would we need to raise taxes on everyone else just to give you “your” money?
Because it’s NOT your money. Your money was spent almost as soon as it came in. Today’s workers are paying for yesterday’s retirees.
It’s a massive, government run Ponzi scheme. And now, one of the largest generations in American history is collecting benefits.
In a traditional Ponzi scheme, this is where everything implodes: when there aren’t enough new investors coming in to pay off the old ones.
But there’s one crucial difference.
This one is backed by the federal government.
And when there aren’t enough new people paying into the system, the government has something Bernie Madoff never had:
The power to force the next generation to pay more, at gunpoint.
Exactly like I’ve been saying for years.
Kevin Whalen retweeted
So, it's no longer September, but I wanted to bring something to everyone because this is definitely important. September was Suicide Prevention Month, but it needs more than just a month. As a veteran who has struggled with his own mental health issues and the dark thoughts swirling in my head, I know that it can be hard to ask for help. I know those dark places where you would swear that everything would be better if you just weren't around. Well, I can tell you this now, and it's the truth...
The world is a better place for you being here! There are people who care about you! You are loved! You are cherished! There are people there who will help you if you just extend a hand.
And for those who see others struggling: don't suffer from "paralysis by analysis." Don't think that they just need their space. Don't think that it will all just blow over. Don't think that if they're just left alone, it will eventually work itself out. Don't think that if you really had an emergency and needed to get them help, that they would be upset or never forgive you. We can't lose those who are closest to us because we were afraid that they might be offended if we came to their aid. It's better that they are offended or refuse to forgive us than lost forever.
Call your people. Call your family members. Call those that you know are struggling and simply say hello and let them know you care. Sometimes that one little act can be the thing that helps a person off of the bottom and gives them the boost they need to seek help. And send for help if they need it. One day, in their future, they might look back and be grateful that somebody was there when they were at their lowest.
God bless and take care of each other.
P.S. - Feel free to reach out to me if you ever feel like there's nobody to go to. I'm always available.
Kevin Whalen retweeted
My exclusive interview with @SYFY Wire! 🔗 below! – at Big Pine Key, FL
This is part of the economics of gift cards. They know you (and 1000's like you) will never spend that 14 cents. It'll sit on their books has a potential debit, which is untaxable, forever. Meanwhile, they'll stick into the corporate version of a high yield savings account and make money of the "debt".
Starbucks has something like $1.4 billion in unreedemed gift cards sitting in their account and their making millions off the interest, making them the largest unregulated "bank" in the world... all because of gift cards.
I get it, we've all had miserable flights. Hell, I had one Aer Lingus flight into Shannon, Ireland that was more miserable than any of the flights I took into combat. Part of it is that flying is no longer exclusive. They're basically busses with wings. Just like a bus, you're gonna rub shoulders with people you don't normally. Another part is that airlines have such thin margins, they can't really afford to turn people away.
But there's another reason.
Lawyers.
If they refuse service anyone, the lawyers will come out of the woodwork and the risk averse accountants and managers have to weigh the cost of a lawsuit (even if they win) against their razor thin margins.
So to answer her original question, is the the kind of flight experience they want her to have? Probably not, but law and economics haven't left them much choice
We need to have a serious conversation about overweight people flying on commercial airlines.
I’m flying on @AmericanAir and after paying extra money to upgrade my seat, I got stuck next to a man who is 300+ pounds and stripped mid flight.
None of the flight attendants wanted to confront him.
He smells like 💩 and weed.
He’s literally sitting in my seat and keeps touching me.
For context, he’s literally 300+ pounds and I’m 120.
Why does American Airlines think it’s acceptable to treat people this way?!
I tried reaching out discreetly during the flight, but they have no avenues to do that.
Rochefort (the guy he's referencing) worked 20 hours a day in a windowless basement that had the AC cranked so high you could hang meat in it. Hell yeah, he wore a robe. Wouldn't you? The dude needed to stay warm! Stop making this an excuse whatever pointless BS you're trying to normalize in the military
This quoted post is unavailable.
Hey y'all! Pre-orders for my first book open November 1st! Couldn't be more excited! A for my military friends, one of my main characters is an SF guy doing SF shit. Would love some help pushing it!
Kevin Whalen retweeted
Coast Guard, get your fucking floaties. You’re up.
America’s armed lifeguards have entered the chat.
You’re the only branch that can yell man overboard and immediately turn it into a full fucking career opportunity.
Rescue swimmers are absolute animals, I’ll give you that. The rest of you are basically Navy DLC with smaller boats and a stronger obsession with life jackets.
Army gets mud, Marines eat crayons, Navy disappears for six months, Air Force gets hotels, Space Force fights WiFi.
Coast Guard?
You patrol America’s bathtub looking for drunk fishermen, broken jet skis, and some dumbass named Randy who thought three cases of beer counted as emergency equipment.
You call yourselves sailors, but half your missions sound like an episode of Cops with flotation devices.
Somebody launches a boat with no fuel, no radio, no plan, and the Coast Guard thinks perfect, finally something worthy of our entire fucking branch.
And rescue swimmers are the craziest bastards of all.
Normal people see 30 foot waves, hurricane winds, freezing water, and a sinking boat and say absolutely the fuck not.
A Coast Guard rescue swimmer sees the same shit and thinks finally, cardio.
Respect where it’s due. When everything goes completely to hell offshore, that orange helicopter is one beautiful fucking sight.
Alright, respect portion over.
Back to roasting America’s puddle pirates.
You’re buoy babysitters with federal badges, Navy subcontractors with flotation devices, and the only military branch whose biggest enemy is apparently a drunk uncle named Dale who forgot the drain plug.
Semper Paratus?
Always ready.
Ready for hurricanes.
Ready for rescues.
Ready for drug interdictions.
And apparently always fucking ready to tow another idiot back to the marina because his $90,000 boat ran out of gas three miles from Applebee’s.
Kevin Whalen retweeted
Air Force, report to the fucking drop zone. We need to talk.
82nd Airborne checking in.
I’ve been waiting for this one.
First off, thank you for the ride.
Now can you motherfuckers explain why the DROP ZONE WAS OVER THERE?
Paratroopers spend hours rehearsing the jump, checking equipment, memorizing the DZ, studying winds, doing everything short of personally negotiating with gravity.
Air Force pilot:
“Close enough.”
CLOSE ENOUGH?
Motherfucker, I’m carrying a ruck, weapon, reserve chute, and enough bullshit to ruin my knees until retirement.
I DIDN’T ORDER A FUCKING CROSS COUNTRY HIKE.
The Air Force calls it a “tactical insertion.”
The 82nd calls it:
WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE?
Army sleeping in a hole filled with rainwater.
Marines chewing crayons in another hole.
Navy floating around arguing about what counts as a boat.
Air Force?
“Sir, the hotel only has three stars.”
THREE STARS?
We just ate something from an MRE pouch that expired during the Clinton administration.
You motherfuckers get hardship pay when the WiFi drops below four bars.
Army chow hall:
Here’s your food. Maybe.
Air Force dining facility:
“Would you prefer the omelet station or fresh waffles?”
FRESH FUCKING WAFFLES?
WE’VE BEEN EATING BEEF STEW OUT OF A BAG WITH A PLASTIC SPOON.
And don’t get me started on Air Force “deployments.”
Army deployment:
Dust. Misery. Body armor. No sleep.
Air Force deployment:
“The pool closes at 2200.”
Then they come home talking about surviving combat conditions because room service forgot the fucking ranch.
But I’ll give the Air Force credit.
When we needed CAS, airlift, medevac support, supplies, or somebody to haul our dumb airborne asses across the planet, those magnificent sky Uber drivers showed the fuck up.
Eventually.
Sometimes even over the correct drop zone.
So from one 82nd Airborne guy to the United States Air Force:
We love you.
We respect you.
We need you.
Kevin Whalen retweeted
SPACE FORCE, GET THE FUCK IN HERE.
I have been roasting every branch and now it’s your turn, you intergalactic IT department.
Army sleeps in the dirt.
Marines eat crayons.
Navy lives on a floating apartment complex.
Air Force checks the hotel reviews before invading.
SPACE FORCE?
You motherfuckers joined the military because Best Buy Geek Squad didn’t have enough fucking authority.
Your branch sounds like something a drunk 12 year old created after watching Star Wars.
GUARDIANS.
Guardians of what?
The fucking HDMI cable?
Your combat zone has fluorescent lighting.
Your foxhole has lumbar support.
Your rucksack is a laptop bag.
Your weapon system has a fucking password reset button.
Some Army private is freezing his ass off in a fighting position while a Space Force Guardian is screaming:
WE’RE TAKING HEAVY FIRE!
Motherfucker, Outlook crashed.
Your version of land navigation is opening Google Maps.
Your version of close air support is moving the router closer to the fucking window.
Your version of enemy contact is somebody from China trying the WiFi password twice.
You don’t call artillery.
You call technical support.
Sir, satellite communications are down.
WHAT’S THE PLAN?
Unplug it for thirty seconds.
PROMOTE THAT MOTHERFUCKER.
Space Force PT test probably includes carrying two monitors up a flight of stairs without spilling a Monster.
These motherfuckers probably get combat patches for surviving a Windows update.
Imagine being captured by Space Force.
They wouldn’t interrogate you.
They’d lock your account after three failed login attempts.
Army has Rangers.
Navy has SEALs.
Marines have Raiders.
Space Force has motherfuckers named GUARDIANS sounding like they’re about to fight Thanos at fucking noon.
And yes, before some keyboard warrior has an aneurysm, Space Force has a serious mission.
Satellites.
Missile warning.
GPS.
Communications.
All important shit.
But military humor has never given a single fuck about your mission statement.
So thank you for your service, Guardians.
Now get your ass back upstairs and make sure Google Maps still knows where the fuck Sugar Bush Knolls, Ohio is.
Air Force, enjoy your fucking continental breakfast.
You’re tomorrow.
I've been doxxed. My real name is Kevin Federline and I got 100% VA disability after being married to some chick named Brittiney...
I’ve been doxxed, my real name is Avril Levine.
I was kidnapped after the success of Skaterboi, and have been forced to live as a broken down old man while I was replaced with @TheAKGuy
This was after @DonutOperator told me which Walmart Elmo was slangin rock behind.
@AngryCops was complicit, don’t let him fool you, he’s crazy!
@UnsubscribeCast guys are anarchists, and have plans to control the world. They’re good plans too, should work quite well.
Egg Salad! 🥚 🥗




















