Parody

Joined January 2023
Well then
Replying to @DestinyTwoTeam
Bungie has made the call to start layoffs as to eventually terminate the entire Destiny 2 team and solely focus all efforts on Marathon. Any remaining assets created over the years and during the Lightfall filler period will be stitched together and marketed as The Final Shape.
14
37
1
1,651
134,391
diggin in my butt rn
31
306
7
4,578
239,543
Greetings, Guardians! The team hopes you all are enjoying The Final Shape launch day! We understand some frustrations with the ongoing situation regarding a few error codes here and there, but just know that we are listening!
128
50
6
1,451
136,040
In light of the recent situation involving company layoffs, the team would like to clarify that all future communications will be made using ChatGPT. Bungie executives have decided to cut down on costs, which includes terminating positions involving community-oriented support.
57
131
15
1,937
169,993
Bungie has made the call to start layoffs as to eventually terminate the entire Destiny 2 team and solely focus all efforts on Marathon. Any remaining assets created over the years and during the Lightfall filler period will be stitched together and marketed as The Final Shape.
4
14
10
421
191,604
As a parting message, the team would like to express our deepest gratitudes to the executives who have set a new precedent for pioneering positive change in the gaming industry. Without their heroism and unparalleled leadership our company would truly be lost.
5
7
304
38,130
Hi Jq! The team appreciates your concerns regarding the reporting/suspension systems. Unfortunately, we have nobody left to review in-game reports since the majority of the team has left for Marathon. Our solution to this issue is as follows ⤵️
The 2nd PvP streamer restricted without any given cause or justification within the last two days. First Alex, now Omlet. The suspension system needs a revamp. Either it’s mass reports, or the anti-cheat is straight up failing This really needs addressing .. @Destiny2Team
26
71
10
1,161
157,726
The system we have in place simply bans reported players randomly. This is due to the team finding it fucking hilarious when people whine like hoes because they can’t play the game. And the best part? We play it off like an accident and everyone just forgets! Hope this helps!
3
21
1
639
21,162
Hi Snerv! We appreciate your concerns over this game-breaking issue. Unfortunately, the team has no plans to make the emblem obtainable. Therefore, we’d suggest jamming your whiny trap shut with a pacifier so we don’t have to hear you bitch about a colorful rectangle. Thanks!
This Post is from a suspended account. Learn more
13
28
1
312
12,724
The team would like to provide a follow up since the issue appears to have escalated. In response, we will be removing the entirety of the crafting system including The Enclave with the launch of TFS. Until then, the current state of the sandbox will remain as is.
We're aware of an issue that allows specific weapon perks to be crafted into other legendary weapons and are investigating a fix, which will result in these weapons being reset in the future. We currently don't have any plans to disable Trials of Osiris due to this issue.
39
31
1
354
49,320
Some brief insight from the dev team is as follows: “This shit is too hard to fix.” “We don’t know what the fuck we’re doing.” Please stay tuned for any potential updates after company nap time.
3
20
1
276
21,446
Hi ritz! At the moment, the team has no plans to alter any sources of glimmer or the rate of glimmer gain. However, we’re happy to report that the team does have changes planned for the glimmer cap and costs associated with glimmer! Changes are as follows ⤵️
This quoted post is unavailable.
37
37
11
635
275,342
Following the removal of legendary shards, the glimmer cap will actually be reduced to 100K. Additionally, the costs of all subclass-oriented glimmer costs will be raised to 250K. This is all in order to justify the existence of our newest feature: The Glimmer Bank!
5
8
373
33,847
With this feature, players will be able to take out glimmer loans (with respective interest rates) which will be the only way to bypass the aforementioned glimmer cap. These changes are aimed at increasing aggregate play time which will bolster investor appeal. Hope this helps!
8
5
2
382
27,376
To clarify, the team recognizes how players may view this feature as an “issue”. However, as we’ve previously stated, we’re taking every possible measure to ensure the Gambit experience is as dogshit as possible, as to kill off the playerbase before we vault the playlist in TFS.
The team is aware of an issue regarding Ascendant Shards and resetting your Vendor Ranks. We are actively working on a fix to deploy as soon as possible.
1
7
77
8,507
Hi ritz! We’re glad you brought this to our attention. The team currently has no plans to reimplement freelance, as we hope to kill off the Gambit playerbase before it’s vaulted entirely at the onset of TFS. This move is designed to reduce any resulting backlash. Hope this helps!
12
16
246
14,088
As many of you are getting along with reading the State of the Game we implore you to keep sharing your feedback that we will be extra careful to ignore! Also please do not hesitate to share your criticisms via Reddit, where moderators are hard at work deleting every new post!
78
330
22
2,204
69,642
We’re well aware of mods being unavailable for players who do not own Lightfall or the Season Pass. This was fully fucking intentional as to increase DLC and seasonal sales, satisfying our investors as we transition into TFS. The team will now be playing this off as an accident.
We are aware of an armor mod that is unavailable for players who do not own Lightfall or the Season Pass due to certain Guardian Rank requirements. This was not intended and the team is working on removing the Rank requirement as soon as possible.
15
65
2
510
28,731
Got a bud you're trying to get into Destiny or coming back after a break? Fear not, we have this 5000 word new player guide to help anyone who's not quite sure what to do in destiny, including up to date Gambit info from 2021! Eyes up Guardians! bungie.net/7/en/News/article…
2
2
29
4,659
With hotfix 6.3.0.6 scheduled for next year, players are uninstalling en masse. We do not care. If you're experiencing any issues that last beyond restarting your game after updating, please continue speaking into the void on our Bungie Help forums: bungie.net/en/Forums/Topi…
DESTINY 2 MAINTENANCE ❖ Hotfix 6.3.0.6 RE-ENABLED FEATURES (web, mobile, and 3rd-party apps) ❖ Destiny 2 Vendors ❖ Item Perks and Mods ❖ Subclass options Report issues or seek assistance here: bungie.net/en/Forums/Topics/…
19
5,506