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If you ask for Thai hot, you will shit a dragon.

Yup

Wisdom is remembering to regularly floss for two weeks before you go to the dentist.

Nailed the timing on this. I’m tired of the millennial no-show socks. Good thing all the kids have brought dad socks into style! Off to Kohl’s I go!

Watermelon fruit snacks taste like bad breath

The best part about finding a good meme is figuring out which friend will appreciate it the most.

I'm seeing a lot of anti-grind sentiment in my socials. Why are we demonizing hard work? You would never see a homesteader praising their neighbor who only worked until noon so they could spend the afternoon drinking sweet tea on their porch.

The absolute best way to get a lot of backlogged work done is to have taxes as your next big thing to do, which you'll avoid at all cost!

I tried again. This time, I tried crushing the Cap'n Crunch with my fingers beforehand. Now instead of deep gouges, I have thousands of tiny paper cuts on the room of my mouth.

Things got weird last night and I bought a box of cap'n crunch. The roof of my mouth is in tatters.