Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) tweeting a coded message

The lack of a "No insurrectionists allowed to run for president" provision is some amateur hour shit. Day one patch at the very latest, along with "Constitution can't be rolled up and used to swat bison to death". This isn't a functioning system for adults with brains

If an Alien facehugger was on the loose I would walk around with the classic Three Stooges eyepoke-block hand deployed, but in front of my mouth

Gluing this over the last page of every book in the library. Even the encyclopedias

Some people like to put jam on bread. I find that the jar smooshes the loaf. Better to store it on a shelf.

V/H/S/ Beyond is a good time, maybe the most consistent entry so far. The skydiving segment was a standout. Distinctive concept, setting, and vibe made that one feel like anything might happen from one moment to the next

Lying to myself every time I microwave a bowl of oatmeal

Mechanical L+R mouse button switches kept going bad within a year, so I bought one with optical switches. Turns out the side buttons mapped to back + forward in my web browser use mechanical switches. And guess what just started happening

If a PC game looked like this you knew the controls and overall quality were inversely proportional to the radness

When I turned 10 my aunt let me choose 1 item of any value from Toys R Us. This was so overwhelming that right as we walked into the entrance I projectile barfed for the first and only time in my life

If Catwoman and Two-Face team up they should call themselves Scratch & Dent

Castle Goofstein? Why yes I have been there, in id Software's first fps

I need to reach Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, or Sam Raimi. Nothing weird. I simply want to confirm that the Spider-Man lunch tray catch (which I just found out was practical, not cgi) took 150+ takes. As you can see, nothing weird!

We all know the the pristine top layer of peanut butter is the best part. I propose all jars should be one inch tall and six feet in diameter.

A cheap MiSTer FPGA would be great, but hold off on that terribly named MiSTer Pi. It's tossing out errors that don't exist on genuine boards and appears to be off-spec.

I can confirm this is the American style. I'm sitting in one now, eating a cow cluster burger and speaking too loudly in ten voices at once about my favorite baseball team, the Rat Kings

Porsche just became the horniest car manufacturer by patenting a new type of engine that contains an "annulus", "three stroke sequences", and "two tops and two bottoms" roadandtrack.com/news/a62258…

If that's a Lord of the Rings book on tape, we're looking at the guitar Led Zeppelin wrote all their music on

Give this to me and I will immediately slap it down on a glass tv stand