What’s that guy’s name who was fired by the Astros? Maybe I need to bring him in. Lord knows we’ll never win by being better than everyone else. Cheating might be our only chance.

I’ve seen it said that the NFL is an idiot proof business. I’m testing that claim.

It's OK @Keenan13Allen, remember how dope it is playing in L.A.?

It's total fucking bullshit, ok? We're not going to the playoffs. We're not going anywhere.

Being in L.A. is dope!

I’d like to thank the home fans who showed up tonight...both of you.

Sorry Dodgers fans. The SpANUS curse strikes again. My bad.

Those were not Broncos fans in that sea of orange today, we were getting a head start on Halloween and gave out pumpkin shirts. Trust me, L.A. LOVES us!

Hello everyone, I’ve been gone for awhile. Mr. Kroenke’s cars aren’t going to wash themselves.

Damn Padres making me look like the cheap piece of shit that I am.

I’m going to have to have a talk with Philip. Him giving a shit about San Diego doesn’t fit with our corporate culture.

Oh, you guys didn’t think anything was going to be any different did you?

Man, so happy that some of you from San Diego seem to have forgotten everything my shitty family did, and you are lining up to fondle my balls now. Thanks!

Sorry I haven’t been around Twitter for awhile, but Stan’s lawn isn’t going to mow itself. And have you seen how big his lawn is?

This whole PSL adjustment reminds me of when I first met my wife. I promised 8” but then had to adjust my claims by 63%.

We won?

Seattle does that 12 thing for the 12th man. I think based on our support at Stubby, we should go with something similar. Can someone get me a quote for printing out a bunch of 11 1/4 flags?

I’ve been away, glad to see that my hired bitches are as good at shit talking on Twitter as I am at owning an NFL team.