Today I read 4 or 5 comments on a random twitter post then contemplated suicide. Do you think there are any autistic people who accidentally find themselves at a train concert instead of a train convention? Just a mixup I’ve been laughing about lately

After the age of 25 people should only be allowed 2 S/O posts on instagram a year. One for your partners birthday and one for your anniversary. one has to be a story. Neither are required ❤️ love in private ❤️

Im sleepy :(

I seen a roadkill and it was a chicken. Why the hell did the chicken cross the road

Exorcist 3

I’m here to laugh at memes about the guy dying not to see footage of it fuck

Won’t you fly high…. Free bird? Yeah!

Congrats to the new mayor of cumtown

Just heard an ad that said “the seasons are changing so it’s a perfect time to get outside and enjoy the weather with a new phone” I think we should all kill ourselves

Twitter’s great. you can come here and say you want to kill yourself because you haven’t had a positive balance in your bank account or your gas turned on in a month and it’s not embarrassing because only absolute fucking losers who don’t matter use this website (including me)

Rich folk love saying “you can’t put a price on this”

What if instead of the Loch Ness monster it was the woke ness monster and it uses ze/zim pronouns

God why have you forsaken me (made me play a show in Phillidelphia)

Anyone who says “today years old”

If I had a Time Machine I would go back in time and kill Jerry Garcia before he could start the Grateful Dead. No more jam bands. World peace. Or at least inner peace for myself

My number two is probably anyone who is playing a ukulele. I hope they are playing their dumb instrument and that it malfunctions and explodes and they pass away

Now that twitter is just evil social media maybe I’ll use it to publicly wish death upon people. Im going to start with my current #1, Elon musk. I hope specifically that he’s in a Tesla and that it malefactions and explodes and he passes away.