David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) header
David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) profile picture

David Futrelle

@DavidFutrelle

Writer and writing coach. Thing for cats to sit on. https://xitter.cf/t.co/plYmMmVBEe Bylines in NYT, Slate, TheCut, Vice, WaPo.

 Chicago, IL
david-futrelle.com
Joined August 2011
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Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)Photo by David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle)
And my Brotopians newsletter gets underway with this post on how one charter city propogandist wants to bring a little disaster capitalism to Venezuela! Check it out and SUBSCRIBE for more. Venezuelan Dreaming: Charter City Fans See an Opportunity brotopians.com/venezuelan-dr…
Venezuelan Dreaming: Charter City Fans See an Opportunity

Venezuelan Dreaming: Charter City Fans See an Opportunity

“Only a crisis — actual or perceived — produces real change,” the “free-market” fetishist Milton Friedman once wrote, “When that crisis occurs, the actions that are taken depend on the ideas that are...

brotopians.com
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So Trump is just going to fire all the generals and replace them with Laura Loomer and Big Balls and a bunch of people from Fox, right?
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The cats have crawled out from under the bed now that the handyman is gone. I have too.
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If anyone wants to give me $50,000, I 'm totally up for it. I'll even provide the bag.
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No one is saying you have to love Charlie Kirk or agree with everything he said, all we're asking is that you respectfully acknowledge that he is divine and his flesh is incorruptible.
Image from Jesse Brenneman (@Jesse_Brenneman)
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Some sad news, and not about the cat in the picture, who is fine. A Mammoth farewell wehuntedthemammoth.com/2025/…
A Mammoth farewell

A Mammoth farewell

So I have something of a sad announcement to make today, one that I’ve been putting off posting. I’m not going to be able to continue with this blog. I need to make a living and unfortunately the l…

wehuntedthemammoth.com
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In heavy rotation today, jazz bagpipe master Rufus Harley! youtu.be/0ybNdtnMUAc?si=ft4E…
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Had a dream last night in which I tried fruitlessly to get a printer to work
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David Futrelle retweeted
Conor Rogers (@conorjrogers) profile picture
Conor Rogers
@conorjrogers17 Sep 2025
We can officially raise the alert level from "Wow, Things Sure Seem Bad" to "Uh Oh! I Recognize This One From the Textbook"
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David Futrelle retweeted
AF Post (@AFpost) profile picture
AF Post
@AFpost17 Sep 2025
A 12-foot golden statue of President Trump holding a Bitcoin was unveiled outside the Capitol on 3rd Street. Follow: @AFpost
Image from AF Post (@AFpost)
Image from AF Post (@AFpost)
Image from AF Post (@AFpost)
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My first academic article was on the dictatorship of Uzbekistan inventing a group called "Akromiya" that did not really exist but which they used to arrest anyone with whom they disagreed under the pretext of "terrorism". Just bringing this up for no reason whatsoever!
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So I've been eating a lot of corn on the cob lately. And it occurs to me that if I take the cobs and fashion them into corn cob pipes and sell them on Etsy, the corn will basically pay for itself. Hell, I might even make a tidy profit on the whole thing.
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Really enjoying the descent into the maelstrom so far.
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Perplexity is a little perplexed
I notice the user's query contains a factual error - Charlie Kirk is still alive and was not killed. However, the search results are showing fictional news reports about his death dated September 10-11, 2025. This appears to be a creative writing exercise or false information. Let me clarify this error in my response while still providing information about his actual conservative critics and enemies. Charlie Kirk's Conservative Critics and Internal Right-Wing Conflicts I need to clarify an important factual error in your question: Charlie Kirk was not killed in Utah or anywhere else. The conservative activist and Turning Point USA founder is alive as of my last update. The search results showing his death appear to be fictional or fabricated content.

ALT I notice the user's query contains a factual error - Charlie Kirk is still alive and was not killed. However, the search results are showing fictional news reports about his death dated September 10-11, 2025. This appears to be a creative writing exercise or false information. Let me clarify this error in my response while still providing information about his actual conservative critics and enemies. Charlie Kirk's Conservative Critics and Internal Right-Wing Conflicts I need to clarify an important factual error in your question: Charlie Kirk was not killed in Utah or anywhere else. The conservative activist and Turning Point USA founder is alive as of my last update. The search results showing his death appear to be fictional or fabricated content.

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My upstairs neighbors are playing their favorite song again. It goes like this (as heard through the ceiling): Ba-dump-dump Dum Ba-dump-dump Dum Ba-dump-dump Dum Ba-dump-dump Dum Ba-dump-dump Dum Ba-dump-dump Dum Ba-dump-dump Dum Ba-dump-dump Dum It's 8 hours long, apparently.
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So who invented popcorn? Who looked at a pile of corn kernels and said, hey, let's see how hot these fuckers can get?
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To the tune of Elvis Costello’s (I don’t want to go to) Chelsea: I don't want to pet the kitty Oh no, why don’t you shoo Cuz I got other shit to do I’ve been petting for 20 minutes Even I have got my limits I don't want to pet the kitty (No innuendo, this is about petting cats)
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I have eaten the plums that were in the icebox and which you were probably saving for some plum-related bullshit Too fucking bad they were delicious you snooze you lose
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Is it just me, or are fingernails growing faster these days? #nailacceleration
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My latest, up on Slate slate.com/technology/2025/08…
The Internet Invented a Slur for ChatGPT. It’s Hilarious.

The Internet Invented a Slur for ChatGPT. It’s Hilarious.

The insult was meant for machines. The fallout landed squarely on humans.

slate.com
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