IT'S FINALLY HERE! MY DND SPELLBOOK IS AVAILABLE ON AMAZON FOR SALE! 5e and 5.5e compatible! link: amazon.com/RPG-Spellbook-Pre… Here are some features👇

Time held me hostage

I've been off socials for a while now. To bring some good news, I've upgraded my Dad status to lvl2. Two months ago my beautiful wife and I welcomed into the world our second boy! Who here from dndsphere still hasn't left this hellsite?

Skynet having shower thoughts at 2:14am kinda relatable

DM: We start the campaign where all of you currently have a good paying job in your respectful professions. You're all insured and are able to afford a down payment on a reasonably priced house of your choice. New Player: WHOOOOOOAAAA... So this is high fantasy...

Players: We've rolled pretty high for our stats and our builds are strong. We're prepared for everything. DM: We start the campaign with all of you having families, children, spouses and pets and they are all perfectly happy and... healthy. Players: OH FUUUUUCK YOU!!!!

My head canon is that this is Matt's character he played when he was a kid and he gets to relive it now on a scale that kid never would have dreamed of

SESSION ZERO Dm: Would you be interested in secretly becoming a BBEG of the campaign? Player 1: HELL YEAH! Dm: *same question* Player 2: OF COURSE! Dm: *same question* Player 3: OMG YES! Dm:

Vicious Mockery of the Day: If I had a coin each time you said something clever - I'd be in debt.

Master Wizard: THIS IS A DISGRACE! MAY I REMIND YOU THIS IS A MAGIC INSTITUTION AND WE CAN DIVINE IF YOU CHEATED?! EACH OF YOUR VERBAL COMPONENTS IS PERSONAL AND UNIQUE NOT SOME GENERIC BULLSHIT! Student 1: dude wtf is he on about? Student 2: ChantGPT

Paladin: so there she was, the vampiress, naked in a barrel full of water in front of a seeing orb... Naturally I blessed the water, she started melting, got out and... started bottling it and telling the orb it cost 100gp per bottle?! Bard: Ah. Onlyfangs? Paladin: Onlyfangs.

Shopkeeper: Did you find any items to sell on your adventure? Paladin: We just found a chest with a scroll in it... Wizard: ...which said "the real treasure is the friends you made on the way"... Bard: ...and it's kinda true, right? *smiles* Rogue: I sell them for 100gp each.

Dm: *rubs temples* so you all chose to play warforged druids...let's hear it Player 1: Optimus Thyme Dm: oh no Player 2: Bramblebee Dm: please Player 3: Strawscream Dm: stop Player 4: Megathorn Dm: why are you like this