Political orphan. #StartingStrength guy. Professional musician. Sweary Catholic father of 9. Never take yourself too seriously. There’s a joke in everything.
Arizona, USA
Joined February 2020
- Tweets9K
- Following94
- Followers511
- Likes3.2K
It amazes me that @BretWeinstein has the time to balance all the science stuff with singing lead in R.E.O. Speedwagon.
Dan (Doesn't) Know(s) Stuff retweeted
Your theoretical opinions or beliefs or the slogans you repeat do not make you a good person. It’s how you treat your friends and family and how you treat others.
How many bears could @BearGrylls grill, if Bear Grylls could grill bears?
10 years ago, I was the subject of a popular tweet, when I ‘opened’ for a Mike Pence rally at my then church. Honestly, if I had been asked to sing for Tim Kaine, or Bill Weld, the answer still would’ve been yes. You may not like its leadership, but America is objectively the best place on earth.
Anyhow, the Pastor asked me to play my single that just had some radio success, No Other Name. Then I asked, could I play [my next single] The Walls instead? Dear reader, when he said ‘yes,’ I literally ran around giggling uncontrollably for no less than 10 minutes; which you will understand in light of a certain campaign slogan that year.
The moment was set. We played the song and @sarahmccammon from @NPR took the bait, composing one of the best tweets of the whole campaign: “Before Pence took the stage, the church’s praise worship band performed a song featuring the repeated lyric, ‘Let the walls come down. Let the walls come down.’ But they didn’t specify who was going to pay for taking them down (or putting them back up).”
You’re welcome, America.
I'm a quarter of the way through Wuthering Heights and I want to throw Catherine under Anna Karenina's train. She's the worst.
I just finished A Canticle for Liebowitz, which takes a common sci-fi premise, but somehow injects Catholic moral theology into it without feeling preachy. Don’t sleep on this, especially if you’re into Augustine, Aquinas, and nuclear dystopia 👍
I purchased the entire functionality of my seat, including its ability to recline.
Cope.
The worst and most retarded people, ranked:
1) Takes up entire sidewalk; walks very slowly
2) Puts seat back on plane in economy (fuck you fr)
3) Leaves window shade open on plane
4) People who don’t like dogs
5) Rude to servers, bartenders, and baristas undeservedly
6) Cyclists
7) People (lets me honest it’s men) who swim in the medium or fast lane when they are in fact slow and also terrible swimmers
8) Women in butt crack scrunch bike shorts who film themselves at the gym
9) The sound bath people
10) Influencers
11) People who “don’t like rap”
12) People who say that the Rolling Stones are a better band than The Beatles (you’re wrong, obviously—the only people who say this are people unfamiliar with all Beatles albums so when they think of “The Beatles,” they think, like, “Yellow Submarine,” and
think it sounds cooler and less cliched to choose the Stones. Ftr I like the Stones, but objectively The Beatles are the greatest band of all time don’t @ me
I know I’ve missed a lot here and will live to regret it.
It's amazing how much of my anxiety and depression disappeared after I stopped being irresponsible and lazy.
When someone prints on letterhead in my office, they verbally announce "Letterhead." Except our Deacon sounds EXACTLY like Chevy Chase from the Land Shark sketch when he does it.
Desperately wanting someone in my house to watch this with me, but alas, no one in my family can stand me for 3 hours and 47 minutes.
My six-year-old son just dropped this joke at dinner.
"A guy with cancer walks into a bar and gets... more cancer."
Perfect. No notes.
Have you ever drank a whiskey sour from a Paw Patrol cup? No anon, you have not. Therefore, have you ever truly lived?