ALT Introducing—The world famous movie character—Mickey Mouse—Who will appear on the comic page of this paper daily. And—Mickey's fickle frivolous flapper—Minnie Mouse. Also Terrible Tom, the vile villain. MICKEY: I don't like to talk about myself, but honest I've made more people laugh in the movies than any other guy my size in the world—look me up, I'm going to be in this paper every day!

ALT MICKEY: Gosh—I never thought Minnie would fall for somebody else—I can’t believe yet that I saw her kiss that fellow, Slicker! My eyes must’ve deceived me! MICKEY: Everybody seems happy! Why does the world have to be down on me? MICKEY: Oh, what’s the use? She doesn’t care for me anymore—what is there to live for! Without Minnie, I might as well end it all!

ALT MICKEY: I know Minnie likes me—but that Slicker with his city ways! Gosh! I’m afraid she might fall for him! MINNIE: What shall I play next, Mr. Slicker? SLICKER: Play the same song again—it was beautiful! MICKEY: Good gosh! Say it isn’t so! MICKEY: Sniff!! Sniff!!

ALT MICKEY: This thing has gone far enough! I’m going in and bust that guy right now! HORACE: Hey, Mickey! Stop! HORACE: Don’t be a fool, Mickey! Don’t you understand if you went in and beat up the Slicker, it would only turn Minnie against you? HORACE: I know you don’t like this Slicker—neither do I—but you’ve got to use diplomacy! Take old Horsecollar’s advice—I had the same trouble with Clarabelle Cow! Believe me—I learned about women from her! MICKEY: I guess you’re right, Horsecollar.

ALT MINNIE: Didn’t people dress funny in the old days, Mr. Slicker? Here is my grandpa, Marshal Mouse—and that’s grandmother, Matilda Mouse—this group down here is uncle Milton Mouse and his family! Minnie Mouse—”At bath”—Age three months MINNIE: Oh-er-er—gee! I didn’t intend to show you that one, Mr. Slicker! SLICKER: My—but you were a cute little darling in those days, Miss Minnie!

ALT SLICKER: By the way—who’s the little runt who’s always tagging around with you? MINNIE: Oh—you mean Mickey? Why, he’s my-uh-er— SLICKER: Oh—he’s your little brother—I see—I see— SLICKER: But why should you always be bothered with him? Why don’t you have him go play with the neighbor’s children? SLICKER: Of course, it is none of my affair—but I hate to see anyone make a nurse-maid of you, Minnie!

ALT SLICKER: Ah—hello there, youngster! SLICKER: Heh! Heh! Heh! SLICKER: A little token of affection straight from the heart, Miss Minnie! MICKEY: Poo! Poo! Wait till she sees what I brought! MICKEY: For you, Minnie—I raised ‘em myself. SLICKER: Haw! Haw! They must’ve been plucked too soon!

ALT Minnie thinks Mr. Slicker is quite a hero because he socked a big ruffian with a pie when he tried to flirt with her— MINNIE: I can’t get over the way you handled that big brute— SLICKER: You know—what you need is someone like me to protect you, Minnie! WAITER: Uh—just a moment! You forgot to pay your check! SLICKER: Oh, yes—yes—Mickey here will take care of that—you see, I must rush along and see the young lady home! MICKEY: Now I know I don’t like that guy—

ALT MINNIE: Mickey, look at that big ruffian trying to flirt with me! MICKEY: I’ll put a stop to that! CAT: That fer you—I’ll look the dame over all I pleases! SLICKER: Oh, will you, will you? MINNIE: That was awfully nice of you, Mr. Slicker! You sure put him in his place! SLICKER: Oh, that was nothing! Just an old Spanish custard!

ALT SLICKER: Ah! My friends from the golf course—you’re just in time to have lunch with me—I’ll sit right down— MINNIE: Why, hello, Mr. Slicker! WATER: It looks like rain, sir! SLICKER: Yeah—and it tasted like rain—phooey! SLICKER: This chicken is terrible—what’s wrong with it? WAITER: Well, you see—it was in a fight, sir! SLICKER: Then take it back and bring me the winner!

ALT MINNIE: Oh, Mickey! Show me how to make this shot—I’m stuck! SLICKER: Oh-oh! Some baby! MICKEY: Hm-m—let’s see now—how can you make this? SLICKER: I’ll show you how to do it, little lady—this sort of thing is right in my line! MINNIE: Oh, gee—that’s wonderful! SLICKER: Not at all! Not at all! In fact that is rather a poor shot for me!

ALT MICKEY: Gee—business has been so good since I put those animal hazards on my golf course that I’ll have to stay open nights—I’d better rig up some lights— Toot! Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong! Tweet! 5 o’clock! MICKEY: Well, I’ll be—five o’clock and they all quit—durn those union hazards!

ALT PIG: Everybody’s talking about your animal hazards, Mickey—so we’ve come over to see how they work! MICKEY: Sa-ay! They’re great! Just try ‘em! GOAT: Give us two! Apples [crossed out] Golf balls PIG: Well—par’s one on this hole—watch me make it— PIG: D’gone it! My apple didn’t get over the hazard!

ALT MICKEY: Oh, boy! What an idea I’ve got! So the customers think my course is too tame, eh?—Well, I’ll show ‘em some real hazards! MICKEY: Hurry over to my golf course—I’ve got a job for all of you!! MICKEY: Now let them try and make it below par!!

ALT MICKEY: Gee—I’ve got to do something to make these hazards tougher—yesterday one guy made three holes in one! GOAT: Hey! GOAT: Come on over here and get this pig off the fairway! MICKEY: Is he in your way? GOAT: Sure—he’s blocking the hole! He’s a physical nuisance and a mental hazard— MICKEY: Hey—you, get off—you’re wearin’ out the green! MICKEY: Sa-ay! He may be a nuisance to you—but he’s an inspiration to me! He’s given me a great idea!

ALT Mickey Mouse Miniature Golf—18 holes—Par 18—Beat par and win a cheese MICKEY: Here you are—you wanted a tough course—now see if you can shoot it in less than par!! DOG: You’ll never break par—you’ve already had 15 shots for 15 holes—you’ve got to make two holes in one—you might as well give up! MOUSE: Oh, well—there’s nothing like trying! CAT: Ho! Ho! Ho! DOG: Ho! Ho! He’ll never make it now—he’s busted his apple! CAT: Haw! Haw! CAT: Good gosh! He’s made it! DOG: A slice shot! Three holes in one! CAT: Hot diggity! Eighteen holes in sixteen shots! Wonder what Mickey will think now?

ALT MICKEY: Gee—this miniature golf business was a great idea! BUTCH: Aw—this course is a cinch—it’s too tame! GOAT: Poo! Pooh! DOG: Poo! CLARABELLE: Poo MICKEY: Why, what’s wrong? What were they kicking about? DOG: Aw, ya course is too easy! Y’advertises par at 36 and everybody’s shootin’ it in 22 and 23! MICKEY: Well, if it’s a tough course they want, let them try to make that below par! 18 Holes—Par 18—just try and make it!

ALT WATTLEY: How d’do, Miss van Pork! Are you playing alone? VAN PORK: Yes—won’t you join me in a game? I’ve never played before. VAN PORK: Why—uh—those naughty little scamps! They’ve taken my—er—uh—-— WATTLEY: Oh—er—are they yours? WATTLEY: That’s all right, Miss van Pork—boys will be boys, you know—let them have their fling— WATTLEY: Well, I’ll be— VAN PORK: Oh-h-er-uh—yours, Mr. Wattley?

ALT WATTLEY: Congratulations on your opening, Mickey! How’s business? MICKEY: Great! Half the town is here, and things are pucking up all the time- GOAT: Nine ball in the side pocket CAT: What do you mean you beat me? I win—there’s the score. I’ve got 16 more than you! CAT: Ow! And they whip cream! GOAT: Ah—a hole in one! PIG: Hey! What’s the idea—hittin’ me on the links? PIG: Oscar-r! You come right home and chop me some wood! CAT: Gee! I think I shot a birdie on this hole! DOG: Yea, and I think I killed a chicken on this one. BILL: Hey! Duck out o’ dere, you’se! HORACE: Well’ well! If it ain’t neighbor Brown at the ninth hole—he’s got his mother’s eyes, his father’s nose, and his uncle’s niblick!

ALT CAT: Hooray! He’s got it finished! Mickey Mouse Miniature Golf Open MINK LADY: Oh—isn’t that the cleverest course? I’m going right home and tell all my relatives! MICKEY: Fore! Now open—18 tricky holes—Par 36—Try and make it

ALT MICKEY: You know, sport—we’ve got to make this a tough course—people lose interest in a course if it’s too easy for them— MICKEY: Now, let’s see—around the wash-board, through the tub- over the rake and into the can—I’d like to see anyone make this hole in less than three! MICKEY: Come on, sport, let’s see what we can dope up for number nine! MICKEY: Hot sox! Here’s one all made to order!