Don’t forget to put your clocks back or forward an hour tonight

Halloween is for landfill nonces

Sent a package to Poland last week. Tracking says it’s now at a sorting office in… *checks notes*… Flushing, New York!🤷🏻‍♂️ Called @RoyalMail and was put in a 37-minute queue! FFS

Evri: How did our courier do? The fuck you want me to say? He absolutely nailed the whole knocking on my door and handing me a package thing. 10/10 would let him knock on my door and hand me a package again.

It can only be called a riot if it’s from France’s Riôt region, otherwise it’s sparkling social discontent.

Serving unsalted butter is a hate crime

The world: We can't afford food or to heat our homes Richest man in the world:

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One half of me wishes AI didn’t exist. The other half watches these all day.

When you say the ‘L-M-N-O-P’ part of the alphabet is what I imagine heroin feels like.

Breaks my heart to know my children will never get to experience the feeling of running a fingernail down the foil of a kitkat wrapper 🥹