WGA/Peabody winner. 3x Emmy nominee. Mongrel. Come see my show? Link below! love you 😘 🇵🇭 🕎

A dermatologist's office
Joined December 2010
Hi! I wrote about death and grief and my son and family for @audible_com and performed it @AudibleTheater and now it's available for you to listen to on audible.com! adbl.co/sorryforyourloss
this isn't really what twitter is for, but ten years ago today my son died and I basically never talk about it with anyone other than my wife. it's taken me ten years to realize that I want to talk about it all the time. this is about grief
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ma'am you have been fooled three times
3-time Trump voter who lost her job from DOGE: The betrayal is pretty significant. Come time for presidential elections, it's gonna warrant a conversation of what party we vote for. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
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Yes better to spend your life vehemently hating many people, like Katie
It is objectively strange, obsessive and demented to spend four years of your life dedicated to so vehemently hating one person.
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
If there’s one photo to sum up the Trump era, this is it.
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in an administration full of comedy, this is right up at the top
Q: You said Zacharia is an attorney. Where did she pass the bar exam? What state? ZACHARIA: When I moved to China
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
The ringtones that emerge from a Broadway matinee crowd mid-show do not exist anywhere else on earth
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interesting choice to shoot this video in hell
Trump: If I could go off script just for a second—as a special treat in honor of President Xi, I'd like to invite everyone in the room to visit through that beautiful curtain in the back. It's one year away from completion—the new ballroom that you've heard about… So in honor of you, you'll be the first people to step foot on that. This is in honor of President Xi
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"Sure, he's ugly and smells like a locker room, and he eats shoes, and his weiner got bit off by a dog, and he accidentally shot his uncle with a crossbow, and he's addicted to whippets..."
Trump on Paxton: He may not dress right. He may not talk exactly perfectly, and he may not be the best looking guy I've ever seen
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In the midst of a hot war against a mortal enemy of the United States, the Secretary of War of the world’s only super power finds time to troll folks at a cadet camp for teenagers in Vernon, British Columbia. To our many friends in the great United States of America: what’s going on?
🇨🇦 (this is real)
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Mike Rogers describes Florida as home for Mike Rogers.
Mike Rogers describes Egypt as "home" for Abdul El-Sayed (El-Sayed was in fact born in Michigan)
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
MY MAN: (comes home) ME: (nervous) how was the store MY MAN: fine ME: oh thank g — MY MAN: ran into jolene ME: oh no MY MAN: she mentioned you left kind of an intense voicemail
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Listen to But Also with @CruzKayne and @asherperlman to hear: 🏆 Jeff Hiller’s story of winning an Emmy 🎟️ @JayJurden's hot takes on theatre 🧠 @katienolan on competing on Celebrity Jeopardy! But also, much more. apple.co/ButAlso
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even among the soldiers, no one bombs as much as jd vance
JD Vance attempts to tell a joke at Biden's expense to the troops -- and gets absolutely zero reaction 😬
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Dropout Presents: Michael Cruz Kayne's "Sorry For Your Loss" • Outstanding Variety Special
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my mayor muslim my bagel jewish John the Baptist washed feet knicks gon repeat
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I RETRACT THIS I LOVE YOU KNICKS THIS ONE IS FOR CHARLES SMITH
My mayor is Muslim My bagels are Jewish I have been a Knicks fan for forty years Kill me
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My mayor is Muslim My bagels are Jewish I have been a Knicks fan for forty years Kill me
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
YESSIR!!!! GET TRUMP’S DUMBASS OUT THE WHITE HOUSE!!!!!!
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Getting caught posting from an alt account that’s supposed to be your own mother. I’d feel sad for his loneliness and neediness if he was literally anyone else on the planet.
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Mamdani: The city is many things. It is the global capital of business and technology. It is the home of the best pizza in the world—the best music in the world, the best theater in the world. But above all else, New York City is a union town. There is no New York City without unions. Across the world, when people think of our city, they think of greatness. And when they think of that greatness, whether they know it or not, they are thinking of the power of organized labor. When they think of towering engineering marvels like the Empire State Building, they are thinking of the union steelworkers and bricklayers that built it into the clouds. When they fly halfway across the world to see a Broadway show, they benefit from unionized flight attendants, baggage handlers, and airport cleaners at JFK and LaGuardia—union hospitality workers at our hotels, and union actors and stagehands that make magic happen on that stage. And when they think of a city where greatness is an everyday expectation, they too are thinking of the city workers that power this incredible place we call home. The school teachers who teach our children. The New Yorkers who drive our buses and subways. The ones who clean our streets and tend to our parks. Each and every one of those New Yorkers is in a union.
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michael cruz kayne retweeted
Literally we love Anya! @CruzKayne
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