Courtesy

Spamming my excited reaction seeing some familiar @NintendoAUNZ Animal Crossing: New Horizons characters scattered all around @SEALIFESydney Aquarium! 🤪 #invited You can catch this #sealife experience in Sydney until May 18th! 🐟

I'm at the point where I feel there's nothing else I can do except address this once and for all. Despite my best efforts to move on, ignore it and do the right thing by keeping names out of it, I do believe it's extended beyond where it's no longer in my best interest to as it's been affecting me & now others that are around me on many levels. The most recent incident happened straight after PAX weekend where Jemjarz joined a semi-public discord, to put up a post accusing the friends I was with for staring at him & making him feel uncomfortable at a meetup. Despite him being blocked & me not actually being accused, he decided to target & tag only me (see the below images), and weirdly enough this conveniently ties into something said before PAX, which I’ll talk about later in the post. On the surface level, it might not seem like a big deal & something I & everyone else should just ignore, but this isn't a once off thing & has piled onto the ongoing issues I have had with him & his friend Nuggie_D where I have been made to feel incredibly uncomfortable & which have likely heightening the effects of what they are doing. I’ve made it clear I want nothing to do with either of them & blocked them on everything. I originally decided to block Nuggie because of the reasons from the quoted post below as I no longer felt comfortable being around someone that had accumulated evidence from stalking my movements online & dumped it on me during a difficult time that I was taking time off for, which was when Ponzo had passed away. While I attempted to push past this engagement at first & keep up appearances by continuing to converse for a short while after, knowing we had events coming up together that I didn’t want to be affected & some things were happening in the community at the time which required us to communicate, I soon realised that he had already been making me feel uncomfortable in multiple other ways for a while. This included guilt tripping me for organising & being involved in events that were during his “limited stream schedule”, for being uncomfortable when he'd talk about our mutual friends negatively, for not asking him to cast, but also by saying things during my streams that would make myself & others feel uncomfortable & not respecting my boundaries. So I eventually cut him out once these events were done. I decided it was best for me to leave the EGG team as well, as I would no longer be comfortable collaborating/hosting events with him. In the end it was mutually decided that it would be best for the group to just disband, but for the discord to remain as some may have still wanted to use it, & for the Twitter account to be deactivated. But after all of this, his friend Jemjarz reactivated the account sometime after, changed the password & the email I had created for it which was shared with others in the group to also have access for posts, over to his personal email & put up a post saying “we are back” without anyone's knowledge of what was going on. He had updated the bio & unfollowed me, all so him & Nuggie could reboot it for new members without any consideration to everyone else, all because someone with a high follower count was already following that account. This was very confusing not just for me, but for others that were in the group as well. Nuggie had also continued to make me feel uncomfortable throughout last year by trying to contact me via our mutual friends & getting them to relay messages & unblock him. While I was at Worlds in Japan, he also emailed me as a way to get around being blocked on everything, once again guilt tripping me, saying that I was lying in my post, that I'm throwing away our careers & friendship & to remove "this unnecessary block from everything as this will divide everything that has been built in our community." At one point he even tried to make one of our mutual friends feel bad by going on a rant live on stream about them being in my stream while he was also streaming at the same time. I received a message from another mutual to check on that person to see if they were ok & linked me to the incident. It turns out they had no idea it had happened. Ironically this was a running theme during our friendship. Nuggie would come into my stream & ask why people don't go to his streams anymore, why they'd join my queue to play with me, why they were gifting me subs but not him, why they'd show up on time to my streams or be there for a long duration but then not to his. It got to the point where it made someone feel so uncomfortable they reached out to me about it as they were unsure how to respond or deal with it, but also because they could see that it was making me feel uncomfortable too. Jemjarz then tried to bring me into his vendetta against someone by making a post with a google drive that included an old clip with me in it of someone in the community calling me a slut and then promptly apologising afterwards, to use as evidence to try bring them down. When I DM’d JemJarz to remove it, stating that it made me uncomfortable & that I wanted nothing to do with it since I had already worked this out with the other person, he blocked me. Later down the track, knowing how upset I was that EGG had disbanded & being aware that it only happened because Nuggie made me feel uneasy to begin with, during this years Regionals Jemjarz used an alt account while I was casting trying to pretend to not know what happened to EGG & was asking questions so Nuggie could respond saying that EGG had changed into POG, not once but twice. Multiple people saw these messages in the chat & DM'd me asking if I had seen & if I was okay out of concern. At this point having been told it was Jemjarz I proceeded to just block him on everything as well & tried to move on. Fast track to just before the most recent incident, I was asked about a PAX Pokemon meet up and if it was ok to attend as they heard it wasn’t friendly. I asked where that info had come from & it turns out Nuggie had said during his live stream that the Unite meetup (which I have organised at PAX each year) is not friendly. To the wider audience, it likely wouldn’t seem like a big deal especially to those not going. But recognizing the impact that could have not just on me as an organiser, but also to the others that have helped me organise it, to everyone who had attended the previous years & was looking to attend again this year (who are actually all wonderful people), but also to anyone new who might have been interested in going to meet others in the community including other content creators, that may have now been deterred all because of me & what he said because of our history. This seems very unfair to them all. All I ever wanted is to be left alone by them. I've only tried to just separate myself from Nuggie & Jemjarz & have continued to move on & ignore each thing no matter how much it hurt each time. I’ve always tried keeping the mindset that we can all still exist in this space despite the past & that means existing in this space without needing to tear each other down. But I'm tired of beating around the bush, of feeling uncomfortable, being scared & feeling like I need to exclude myself so I don’t cause any issues. I’m tired of crying & needing to take time away whenever something else comes up, of needing to be consoled by my partner & friends each time & exhausting them. But I’m also just tired of trying to be considerate, when clearly they have not been. This is only a summary of the main parts & while there’s more, but it's just small digs here and there. These are also only my own experiences with them. I know that making a post like this will likely have its consequences & that’s okay, I'm prepared for that, because when something that you enjoy doing & that makes you happy starts to have negative attachments to it, it becomes no longer enjoyable & makes you unhappy, stressed & anxious… putting up with all of this for this long has made me feel this way & I don't want to continue feeling that way because of them. So from now on, I'm no longer letting their high school behaviour stop me from being here, for needing to take breaks whenever they attempt to bring me down. I'm going to continue doing what I love doing, being around the people & spaces that I enjoy being around & just doing things that make me happy!