I love that kids get the day off of school today to celebrate the beginning of The Transatlantic Slave Trade™️. Do they celebrate Columbus Day in the places he actually set foot on and devastated, or just here?

If it takes more than one attempt at backing into a parking spot, you should not be backing into parking spots.

A well manicured lawn is an affront against nature

Working with a handful of young dudes, and I really don’t understand the fetishization of cars.

One of my teenage employees asked me why Mother’s Day was so much busier at the restaurant than Father’s Day. I told him most dads aren’t worth celebrating. I don’t think that was the answer her was looking for.

I had to explain dial-up internet and AOL to my 21 year old employee. Definitely felt my age today.

I am very thankful to no longer working in a Mexican-themed restaurant. Cinco de Mayo was always hell.

Does not require sleep to function

I would rather chew glass than listen to Kid Rock.

Normalize speaking ill of the dead.

Normalize speaking ill of the dead.

The only extinct animal ever cloned was the Pyrenean ibex. The animals being paraded around as dire wolves are not an example of de-extinction, they are just a publicity stunt by a biotech company. They are grey wolves with tweaked genes and a good PR team.