city hall

@Uber @Uber_Support I was scammed out of $297 yesterday by one of your drivers with an obviously fake profile and was basically told to "deal with it" by your customer support. I re-explained to no avail. I've been told tweeting is the only thing you respond to. Please advise.

I made a wish. I wish you'd go away!

900 amazing followers! I asked my son how I could thank you: He babbled some nonsense, got frustrated, smacked himself in the head, got embarrassed, started crying, refused comfort, threw a cookie, then melted down when he lost the cookie. That’s how toddlers say I love you.

You can’t make an omelette without cracking a few eggs. You also can’t make an omelette if a toddler has opened the fridge taken out all the eggs and smashed them on the kitchen floor. My point is now I have no breakfast. #dadlife #parenting

Today is the day we begin to separate the true east coast iced coffee maniacs from the seasonal drinkers.

If I can tell the class of 2019 anything, it’s this: whenever your boss asks you to do anything, always say “I was just about to do that.” Basically the key to my success.

Probably once a day I think about how it’s lucky that people don’t try to trick me more often because I’m exceedingly gullible and I’d probably end up giving some prankster my toes or eating an old Microsoft Zune.