@ChurchNorris

Just an above average Pastor with a Kick of Awesome.

 Not Chuck
Joined December 2012
  • Tweets466
  • Following5.3K
  • Followers13.7K
8Media
My beard has 5 doctorates. Only 1 of them is honorary.
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Someone told me they just don't "feel the music," so I roundhouse kicked a hymnal to put the song in their heart.
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If you put $1 into the offering plate and I put $1 into the offering plate, I have still put in more than you have.
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Pastor Church Norris retweeted
Anon Church Guy@MrChurchGuy17 Aug 2023
I started making some jokes about "What if Chuck Norris was a preacher" and decided to make an account. It's a fine balance between keeping with the nature of Chuck Norris jokes and not making ministry profane.
Pastor Church Norris@ChurchNorris14 Aug 2023
Replying to @gumnos @MrChurchGuy
I didn't sign up with Twitter, Twitter signed up with me.
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This but unironically.
Pastor Church Norris@ChurchNorris10 Aug 2023
When I raise one hand during a baptism it's because I'm getting high fives from the angels.
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I found Waldo. Then I baptized him.
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When I raise one hand during a baptism it's because I'm getting high fives from the angels.
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I don't rely on any translations of the Bible. I don't even use Hebrew or Greek. I study the word of God in the original inspiration.
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I rate limit Twitter.
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I answered the phone this morning and it was a wrong number. I'm baptizing their entire neighborhood.
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I brought a full crowd to Christ simply by uttering the phrase, "Hypostatic Union."
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I can talk all day about how amazingly humble I am, and still be considered humble.
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Fed 5000 people at a spontaneous revival using 2 Chick-fil-A nuggets and 5 waffle fries. On a Sunday. All were saved.
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Did a call and response sermon. Me: Repent! Congregation: And we're ready to be baptized!
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I recited all the digits of π to the end. Twice. Today.
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Even atheists wish me a Merry Christmas before they cease to be atheists.
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I'd storm into Heaven with all of you, but we are already invited in.
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When I scare the Hell out of people I really scare them away from Hell.
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After I finished my coffee order the baristas broke into an invitation hymn, everyone in the coffee shop was saved.
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I can preach a Three Point Sermon in only One Point.
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