Nobody tells you this: you weren't born sober. You were born high. That "3 beer buzz" high. Wide-eyed, curious, everything vivid, every stranger a new friend. Then you took your first drink, and at a chemical level, it hijacked ownership of that feeling from your brain. Took the title, kept the keys, started calling the shots- deciding whether you were happy or sad for you. Stop drinking long enough, and your brain takes the happiness back from the alcohol. The "3 beer buzz" returns. For free. For as long as you don't put it back in the bottle. Right now, I'm deep in the shit on this mission- no map, just moving through the jungle one step at a time. And without disrespect, I think AA has it wrong. I think I've found the easier path (back) to Eden. If you're reading this, you're part of my life. If you want out, just say the word. I'll throw the rope back over. -c.

One evil strategy Taffer hasn’t employed yet on Bar Rescue- Offering a massive scaling discount off all alcohol to relapsers in AA based on the number of years on your latest sobriety chip. Then nail the chip to wall. Like the collection of “dollars” in dive bars. Temptation is everywhere, if you’re going to relapse you’re going to relapse- so might as well market and monetize the inherent fragility of the human condition. Sobriety is a standalone economy. Drinking is legal. Humans are pussies. Make some cash bar-owners.

Listen, as hard as it is, we all just have to just wait this motherf*cker out. Everyone just be fucking cool and be cool to your neighbor. Remember the one thing we (America) has that they can never steal, buy, grift, or find in space: Cool. Everybody just stay cool. @nytimes @RollingStone @jerrygarcia @goosetheband

1996: my first @Phish show, standing next to my best friend for the opening licks of Chalkdust. 2026: my first @goosetheband show, same friend, same spot. (BTW, torch passed, confirmed.✅) Also this was probably the last time we stand together like that. I moved. I changed how I live. He had other things that mattered more. Some friendships run on shared nights out, and when you stop having those, you find out what’s actually left. That’s OK though. You get to choose who gets your love, not how long you get to keep giving it. As the song goes… turn it up and let it go ♥️

I humbly submit for your consideration that the musical category best described as steamy hot Miami Vice In the Air Tonight disco-acid-EDM nostalgia lust funk, be known after today as: "Cigarette Boat Rock" In tribute to the Yacht Rock generation on whose shoulders' we all stand @goosetheband the torch is yours. The fluid tonic is alive and well. 🤩 Runnin’ up that hill… cc: @RollingStone 🤷‍♂️

I would like to humbly stake our claim on the term “Cigarette Boat Rock” in the name of The Farm Bar & Grille. @goosetheband Also- For whoever needs to hear it. Everyone just stay cool out there. We’ll get through this together. ✌️& ❤️

The stalled cargo ship in the Strait of Hormuz is officially the symbol of the disastrous Trump presidency. @LEGO_Group sees this and says- "That's it! We've found Christmas 2026." 1,516 pieces. Just like the economy. lego.com/en-sg/product/maers…

Textpectation (n.)- The number of hours or days within which a reply to your text can reasonably be expected. A working framework: Critical- Reply within 1 hour. You know what this is. Act accordingly. Standard- 24 hours. Normal human behavior. No explanation required. Low Priority- 72 hours. Life is busy. We get it. No hard feelings. 72+ hours- These people have quietly, gracefully, and permanently opted out of the conversation. They have given up the fight. And honestly? I respect the hell out of that. Set the window. Honor it. And for the love of your blood pressure, please stop being pissed at the 72+ hour people. Let them be. (This was a hard one for me.)

Not an active Facebook user. No plans to return. That said- a friend recently showed me "Facebook Dating" and I have one thing to say to every newly divorced middle-aged man out there: Whatever you're looking for in life is not there. Your happiness is not stored on Mark Zuckerberg's servers. Close the tab. Go outside. You deserve better. And maybe, just maybe, take Facebook off the life plan entirely.

- @DoorDash Just a friendly FYI- Whatever that purple animation you just added to the app is... well, it's definitely having the opposite impact. Assuming the expected impact was a positive user experience and the ability to order a cheeseburger?

"You know what? You're right, I'm wrong. Carry on." Try it sometime. You'll be amazed how much less you apologize later.

My working theory: this UFC deal is the back-end payoff on a three-way handshake. Rogan endorses Trump out of nowhere in Oct '24, Trump wins, Dana gets paid. Rogan gets... whatever Rogan gets. The delay was the point. Discuss amongst yourselves. @jon_roccio