I need help everyone, I forgot the recipe...how much tequila goes into pancakes again?? Thanks in advance!!!

Just saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought to myself "that's a fair trade."

It use to be let them eat cake. Now it’s let them eat at Mar-a-Lago where for five thousand dollars you get one hamburger and a small dessert.

It saddens me to say that after tasting this homemade whiskey/nacho cheese ice cream, I’ve found not all dreams are meant to be followed.

This Tweet is 100% vegan, gluten-free, no artificial colors or flavorings, unprocessed, sugar-free - and that's why it isn't very good.

Katie Zacharia is a Liar not a Lawyer

If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?

So Ukraine bombs Pro-GOP Russian bot farms. Then in response DonOld cutoff intelligence & Elon cutoff Starlink. Curiouser and curiouser.

You can say "Have a nice day!" with no problem, but you can't say "Enjoy the next 24 hours." without sounding mildly threatening.

Next time you go to the fair, take some spare bolts with you and just as the ride you're on starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat." muhahahahaaa.,

Life is about changing perspectives and priorities: I used to worry if one of my hairs was out of place, now I don’t care if they both are.

America is run by lunatics. Religious fanatic lunatics.

What's your favorite part of Fall? Leaves changing color? Crisp weather? Realizing we're all marching towards imminent death? Hot cocoa?

The weight limit sign on elevators should just say, "Stare at the fat guy".

Artificial Intelligence!!!

"It started out with a Kiss, how did it end up like this?"- Me, after eating an entire bag of Hershey's chocolate.